Saturday, 21 December 2013

Marathon runner.....where do you think this ones going????

Still having problems with typing in here so please bare with me and remember it may not let me go back and change anything so be gracious and overlook such things. Well it's been a while, I was going to say not much has changed but i guess a few things have. I've been a bit blah as Christmas fastly approaches. A compilation of reasons. I've sent no cards so if you don't get one from me please don't feel bad, noone did. I saw a naturopath this past Wednesday with my mentor after much prayer and confirmation and for the first time I thought there may actually may be some relief coming down the road for this horrible itching which has been joined by really bad.....I can't even say it. (see title; figure it out)I've never seen one before in fact i've always been a bit stand off'ish about the entire industry and thought it all as hokey pokey but when your mentor calls and tells you that she is really concerned for your health and can't stand seeing you in so much agony and would you just consider speaking to someone about seeing a naturopath, to just entertain the idea. How can you say no? Well obviously you can say no.....but really??? what have I got to lose? I trust both these people, so from there came a lot of prayer and then I asked a friend what she thought of naturopaths and she flipantly said that she thought they were helpful and said that she saw one. Well as we were leaving my house, she casually asks me the name of the Dr. that people were suggesting I see.....well I thought she was going to fall over! Not only is it the same Dr. she sees but her daughter works for this guy. So my mentor went with me to meet with him and I felt comfortable with him right away, there was no sales pitch, no hokey pokey stuff it was a nice surprise. It's not often i am wrong (joking, or am I?):) but I truly believe I had really mis judged this guy. I can't speak for the whole industry but this Dr. was very comforting and patient. He explained everyting in a way that I could understand and repeated what he could clearly see I just wasn't getting. There are a couple things he'd like me to start doing, slowly. I am thankful that I have family and friends to support me through this next chapter of my life. There's food to be eaten that I cannot even pronounce so that'll be intersting. I have a very incredible woman making soup for me from these odd foods with bone marrow that for just sounds crazy but apparently it's quite normal.Hmmmmmmm who woulda thought???? Oh and of course, part of getting healthy is eating healthy so slowly comes in the good greans and even s-l-o-w-e-r goes out the chocolates & midnight snacking (typing with reluctance) My specialists are all on board so I'm sure it's a go. God's lined everything up and He doesn't do that and turn and walk away. So for today thats what's going on. Christmas is still rough. My first one without my daughter, that's rough although she is making her own new traditions which is a great thing for her and Choco and I recognise that. It is still really hard for the mum though. Ok the typing is going to go funny on me here. I really hope you all have an awesome Christmas with whoever you spend it with and wherever you choose to spend it with, and let us not forget the reason we have a Christmas to celebrate. Thank you all for your prayers and for staying on me for keeping on me about staying ontop of my blog, its a nice feeling when someone asks why you haven't blogged in a while. Thanks Terry. So much to be thankful for at Christmas. www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1oHJR2g7Tw"></a>

Thursday, 21 November 2013

Spider alert, spider alert

So i'm having the same problem again with this blog. So if it all of a sudden goes all wonky i'm apologising in advance. I just sprayed, what I would consider a mid- size spider. I used about 1/3 of a can of Raid on it and then grab a handful of paper towel and had to grab it really quick, run to the bathroom, drop it in the toilet and pray that the toilet could flush all that paper towel because there was a lot. Well it all went. For those of you that don't already know, I suffer not only from itching but also from full on legit arachnophobia. I'm not joking, it is so bad that I will never live in a house NO desire to, I really dislike living on the bottom floor which really is the main reason why my balcony is completely screened in from top to bottom, staple gunned and all. The way I see it, I avoid their home they should avoid mine. Alex always took care of them, we are well into the cold season, they're time for coming in to get warm is well over now so if you didn't get in well i'm sorry about that. So for you all that's probably not very exciting but I am on a bit of a rant mode here. I have a couple things I need to get off my chest. Firstly, I got the results of my MRI yestserday and the awesome news is that the second tumor is gone, completely GONE!!!!! AMEN! My oncologist still thinks that it may not have been a tumor to start with and thinks it may still have been left over from my radiation and had he have been my oncologist at the time he would've ordered a couple more MRI's before making the 'chemo' call. Anyway woulda, coulda, shoulda sisters. Doesn't help me today does it? My horrific itching is not due to my anti seizure medication as my Vancouver Dad and I originally thought which was a logical assumption as it seemed to start around the same time give or take but infact is being caused by my liver problem. So what does all this mean? Well, it means this...when you see me please offer to scratch my back, an arm, my head or my hand and when I say yes please know that I am not kidding. So I have a question that I've been, not struggling with because that's too strong a word, I guess, conversing, getting to the meat, with God over. Why is it that we, generally speaking (I don't mean to imply this is everyone) encourage one another to "let 'it' out, tell God how upset you are, how angry you are, how you are so disappointed about how you feel, how you don't understand why, how you feel like He turned His back when you needed Him the most." But when it comes to ourselves we don't do that?! You know last night I was so angry and upset about the itching and that last night I truly did not care that i had cancer all I cared about was that I was told that this maybe a few months or maybe a year, the liver has to sort itself out at least to some degree before I am able to find relief. All I heard was "well great news about the second tumor eh?" and yes thats fantastic news of course its good news i'd be, pardon the word but i'd be an idiot to not see that but it doesn't change the itching and that at this point in this moment is way worse than having cancer that, and really let's be truthful, it really hasn't impeded my life much. God really has truly blessed me. What really I guess stunned me was that when the rubber hits the road I didn't know who to call. In my mind I actually thought of who I could call that wouldn't judge me, that would allow me to just get it out and who would validate how I felt and up until that point I hadn't felt that. Fortunately, I am the one that will call and say, "I need to vent and please just tell me that you understand and feel the exact same way and I have every right to feel how I feel and that I'm not losing my mind. Can you just tell me that?" And usually I get, from this person " You know Mel, you make it so easy to be your friend, I love knowing in advance what you need from me?" Don't get me wrong, there are also times when I need direction and guidance but I am human and sometimes need a good old fashion rant. So I have an Intro to a NewSong song called Rescue but I cannot find this intro on YouTube but in the intro from ITunes, the singer and his wife are on a music boat cruise and they find out that she has severe invasive cancer and he started to speak to God and he says how mad at God he was and he said to God "God I hope you know that if she dies from this I will never talk to you again, I will never talk to you again because she's the most precious thing to me on the face of this earth."... then Jesus and he were sitting on a park bench and he said to Jesus, "I'm serious if she dies from this I'll never speak to you again." He smiled at me like I'm smiling at you and He said,"yes you will you just don't understand what's going on. You forgot Russ that Mary's life is hidden in me, and there's nothing that can get to her that doesn't have to pass through Me first, not even cancer. I'm gonna use this for my glory but I need you to trust me." I said, "Well I don't know if I can do that, tell me she's going to be alright." He said,"I don't owe you that, I don't owe you that, I just need you to trust Me cause I'm never going to change I've got this." His wife is now cancer free. NewSong says if you can't trace His hand trust His heart. I told you this because A. I needed to rant and B. As a reminder to everyone myself included that sometimes we need a reminder that God created us and knew we'd have our hissy fits every so often. If he's o.k with it then why aren't we? (again not meant as a blanket statemnet) There is no spell check due to HTML typing so I will do doing it so lets all remember i'm super itchy therefore distracted and may miss a couple here and there...give me a little grace. I am going to try to link a song but if it doesnt work please pray that my itchiness leaves soon and for my daughter as she digs in as winter hits where she lives. Thanks for all your prayers they do not go unanswered.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMVJUGbqUKY

Tuesday, 19 November 2013

Somwhow its Beautiful Beautiful....but i totally don't see how???

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLRWc5c8SRQ
OK so the last few days have not been to exciting which in fact has been good.  I gave blood on Friday and i remembered they told me to drink a lot of fluids so that I would have good veins, thankfully I did and i asked her to look and see if there were a couple more good ones as i had my MRI coming up 3 days later.  She didn't foresee any problem so you imagine how much fluid I started to really pound back just to make sure i had enough in my veins.  Up until then i was still tearing at me skin and breaking it some parts.  I remember there was one Sunday at church, well there many  Sundays at church, every week has a Sunday at church, OK moving right along, I had 2 people pray for my itching and as soon as they were done after I thanked them both for praying for me I turned to Naomi and said "OK, Naomi can you please scratch, harder, oh much harder than that...OK that's great thanks"  Truth be told I couldve sat there ALL DAY.  This next story is rated R.XXXXXXXX  I am hypersensitive to ,put it mildly, along the inner sides on both my left and right thighs and down from my under arms to my hip bone areas so to be pulled there in any way is agonizingly painful for me.  Well about 3 weeks ago i guess, I must've done something in the night that set the nerve endings into chaos because when i woke up i could (enter into descriptive mode) feel as it felt like someone had literally taken a machete and sliced right through my inner right thigh. and left a gaping bruised wound.  i cannot begin to explain my pain,  if felt as if the itch that was already torturous(sp) had just been taken to a whole new level. after that, which i still feel i have knocked my knuckle ever so gently into my left hip which has sent me down  to the ground in tears.  and yet today here I am groaning to God, asking him to make it stop.  But I just think in someway he's using this because to not think that only means that all this pain is for nothing and thats just something i do not believe and feel sadness for those that do.  So here's my song,  I hope it works...theres been an error on page icon at the bottom watching me the entire me time, kinda creepy actually.
I'm going to also try to post a couple pics. Alex and I together, and what Alex made me for my birthday. Wood that she went digging for, sanded down,drilled the holes on the 3 upright and put tealight candles in (i love tealights) and the long piece,I'm told, she was on a mission to find that one.  Choco put the circles in that one as it was a thin piece and didnt want it flying and possibly hurting Alex but she did all the staining.  best gift ever.  So again Im going to try to update but I'll so try to save this and we'll see what happens.  thank you all for your continued prayers.
Results for MRI on Wednesday.
expecting to be told that i'm still off chemo yayayayay

Monday, 18 November 2013

Let's try again...

Why won't it let me type in anything other than HTML mode? Very weird, well I'll keep checking to make sure it is reading ok, but this is very odd. Unfortuanetly typing in HTML mode doesn't allow me to change the font size so for those of you..Woe what is happening now??????  It just suddenly switched over to compose mode and now its typing regularly. This is really weird. Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted for the second time now,(1st was yesterday) I have continued to tear at my skin as it is still extremely itchy to the point of me wanting to be hospitalised before i stark raving mad.  It's going to get a little graphic here, a lot graphic actually probably rated R,  my inner thigh on my right leg feels like someone has taken a machete and sliced me down the inside and has left a huge gaping wound that has a massive bruise in it.  However if you look at it there is absolutely nothing there, no bruise, no redness, nothing.  But I can assure you it is there, a pain that is excrutiating to the touch.  Yesterday i accidentially bumped my knuckle against me left hip and bent down because felt like I had nailed my hip on the corner of the counter.  Oh my gosh.  This side effect is the worse by far than anything I have experienced, by far...this coming Sunday I will stop my old medication, the changeover will be done YAY!!!!! I figure you have to allow a few weeks to flush it out of my system which will put me around Christmas so I'm hoping God willing of course that I will have hair and an itch free Christmas.
Oh and here's a laugh...I am doing a book study on the book of Job (pronounced Jobe)from the Bible for each Sunday in November.  For my friends that don't know who Job is, he's a man that had it really rough thousands of years ago and had to endure horrible hardships and harsh pain and he was plagued with boils and intense itching to the point of scratching his skin off.  Well when the course started we got to the point of itching the skin off just as I was going at my ankle and in my head i was chuckling to myself thinking "I hear you on that one buddy."  I think that's the only time I've ever felt like I could actually relate to someone in the Bible.  The thing that I found very interesting is the timing of the study and where I am and what i've been going through health wise and the fact that the book of Job is my favourite book in the Bible.  Anyway I just found God's timing to be, as always, bang on.
So, Monday I am having my MRI, I am expecting it to be clear I haven't had any excitement in ages so i will be expecting a chemo free Christmas.  This is getting easier and easier as each MRI passes:):)  The results will come in on the 20th fortunately I only have to wait 2 days.  They are going to give me Ativan so my nerves are numb because as I'm sure most of you know when you're in an MRI you cant move and I cant be pulled out to itch and because it's a nerve itch I can't focus on anything to sidetrack my mind because it doesn't go away.  I had an awesome tim in October with Alex being down and then I got to see her quickly Nov.9 as she passed through on the way to her friends wedding.
We have been emailing daily which has been awesome.  She has grown into such an awesome young woman.
Please pray that the Ativan works and that the MRI goes fine, thanks guys.
Mel
the pics are from our family photo day that was this past Oct. and the other is the gift Alex made me for my Birthday. The wood is from her new home that she had to go digging for and drill holes in and then she put tea light candles in. I love tea lights. It was by far my favourite gift. Bless her heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etW7fS7K8ro




Thursday, 31 October 2013

We all suffer, we just suffer differently.


Well this is new, not only are my feet ridiculously itchy to point of being a new form of torture, if it’s not already.  The roof of my mouth just started to itch, nice, how on earth am I going to soothe that one??? As it is I have already been itching my back with back scratchers, letter openers, and people ‘raking’ it for me, backs of chairs and other random objects. It’s amazing what you can use to satisfy an itch when you need to.  I thought this would start to feel better.  Well it just feels to be getting worse not better.  My brother and girlfriend (like a sister to me) suggested I try lemon but its under the skin in my nerves caused by a reaction from the anti seizure medication so to put anything topical on it at this point is just more money wasted.  Well I’m off work in 37 minutes and Simon and Jackie gave me a London drugs gift card for my birthday  so I’m going to buy a movie and watch it this afternoon and do some itching.

I don’t have a song today, just a request.  Please pray this madness stops like now.

Thanks
Itchy MeJ
 
Actually, There’s always a hopeful song because God promises to never leave us and that deserves a song…

Friday, 25 October 2013

It's My Birthday...


Well today is my birthday first and foremost.  I like everyone to know it’s my birthday, not for the reasons you are probably thinking.  I love it because it’s the one time of the year you can pretty much guarantee people take the time to think of what to write to that special person.  Bible verses are spoken to you; I don’t think I have ever had so many nice things said to me then on this day.  God made this special day for me just like he’s made you all special days…If that’s not a good reason to celebrate then I don’t know what is.

Ok, now what you all really want to know.  My neurologist seemed to agree with my Vancouver dad and me.  (Re; itchy skin torturing my body as well as my hair falling out again) so I’m back to rocking the head scarves.

I am starting a new anti seizure drug on Sunday (27th) and then it’s about a 6 week process of coming off one to slowly get on the other one.  It’s a slow process; if it makes me stop itching then I can suck it up for a few months more.  The reason I am starting it on Sunday is because my birthday rib dinner is Sunday and I want to be able to enjoy them.  It’s the best dinner I have all year long and I’ve had good ribs but none compare to my mum’s.

I have an mri scheduled for November 18th and then the results on the 20th.  How great will that be if I get another three months off chemo?  I’m praying.

I think that’s it, nothing else really to say.  Please continue to pray for my itchiness especially on the souls of my feet, it’s like torture, no kidding.

Thanks for all your prayers, And a happy birthday to me.  Thank you all for your happy birthday wishes and your kind words of love and encouragement.  Bless you all.

And if you don’t find this song funny then I think you may want to check your humour on the humour scaleJ

MelJ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4QE3apQxjQ

Thursday, 17 October 2013

I need you Jesus...


Last night I was up all night.  I was so itchy and just couldn’t get to sleep.  Alex came in my room about 1:30’ish and rubbed cream on my back and then after about 30 minutes of rubbing it into my back and arms she goes and gets a hand towel and continues for about another 45-60 Minutes until she fell asleep.  I could not thank her enough for taking such good care of me.  Unfortunately I still couldn’t get to sleep so I started emailing out asking for prayer.  I don’t think I have ever talked to god so much…that’s what I did; I itched, spoke with god, prayed and did that all night.  Absolutely not a minute’s sleep.

I got out of bed at 7:00a.m (no point staying in bed.  It seemed like a reasonable time to get up.)

I started to get ready and it hit me like a seizure!! I don’t think I took my sleeping medication, so sure enough it was still in the tray.  Frustrated with myself because the body does a complete over haul when it has been up all night.

My tummy goes that familiar place of heaving over the toilet but there was nothing in me so I left that feeling like I’d just given myself a full on 6 pack.

So I went to get my oatmeal and praying the whole time that god would hold it down.  So far so good.  My Vancouver dad (obviously) is picking me up after work because I’m just too tired.

Fortunately I’ve learned all be it the hard way, not to commit to too much.  It’s just too hard so today all I have planned is to show Alex how to make shepherds pie.

I have a neurologist appointment on Tuesday the 22nd and I will be discussing the itching issue I am having.  Until more excitement please continue praying.

Bless you my friends

Me. 

Bless you my friends

MeJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j0XdAigjJE

Friday, 11 October 2013

Oh to have long hair again.....


It’s been a while I know but nothing really exciting has been going on.  The itching still persists and is impeding my day to day activities.  I am seeing my neurologist next week so we will see if he thinks its an allergic reaction to this new seizure med they have called ‘keppra’.  I had my last filling put in this past week.  It left me feeling very sore and bruised but I guess it could’ve been worse.  And now my ‘weird’ sarcasm has turned my ‘not functioning liver’ into a thankful “It could be worse, it could be more cancer”.  Sometimes a little black humour is needed to lighten things up.  At lease it works for me.

My balding spot is spreading, not sure why my hair is still falling out but its hide able at this point and there’s always wigs.  Oh, if I get a wig I am going to choose a long one, then I don’t actually have to go through the pain of growing it out.  I’ll just have long hair.  Top that!!!!  Cancer’s perksJ (that’d be my twisted sense of humour and a coping mechanism that God has blessed me with)
having an awesome time with my girl.  so great to hug her.  she loves where she is and has really made it home which warms my heart.
thanks again for all your prayers.
mel.
 

Friday, 20 September 2013

For the first time ever.....a multi-posting...


September 20th:
Last night I almost tore off my skin it is so itchy as if mosquito’s have been feasting on me for days. Unbelievably itchy. I smothered myself in lotion but it provided no relief. I considered sand paper but figured I’d get an infection or something worse and I have enough to deal with. So today after work my Vancouver dad is taking me to the body shop as they have what’s called body butter and it worked when I first started treatment oh so long ago, I assume it still will. Please pray that it does because this feeling is horrible.

This section is from September 18th

Heh everyone how’s it going?  Just wanted to bring you up to date on my latest blood work.  I had it taken this morning and thanks to VCH,  I was able to check the results online at My E-Health, well the good news is that although my white and red blood cells are still below what they should be, they are headed in the right direction.  My liver enzymes are still all out of whack.  I was expecting to see an improvement with my Gamma GT levels but they have gone up all be it minimally up is up.(wrong way).  This is one that I thought for sure would’ve come down, but I am clearly wrong.   Shhhhhhhhhhhhhh I don’t want that getting out.  I’m rarely wrong so I don’t want people finding out. LOL

So; I have blood again in October and November, neurologist in October, MRI and results in November.  I’m going out of 2013 with a bang of appointments.  I don’t think I’ve ever had this much action before. 

I think that’s it for updates.  No more sleep walking (that I’m aware of)  I’ve been eating a bit more the last few days with little or no nausea which is great as I’ve weighted in at 105 lbs., so I’ll continue to be grateful for that and my body can figure the blood out.  If I can go through a day and not feel nauseas then I’m a happy camper.  And praise God. (Love you Lord & thanks)

Alex is coming down soon (Oct. 4th or 5th) for the month of October.  I’ve redone pretty much the entire apartment to make it my own.  It will be interesting to hear what she thinks. 

I would appreciate it if you would pray for a family member or someone you know who is hurting for one reason or another.

Thanks guys for your ongoing prayers.  If God answers any of your prayers in a miraculous way, please post or email because it is encouraging to hear what God does with people that suffer as we all suffer differently.
Bless you all.  Enjoy the song.  I have a feeling that a few of you will find this song very comforting.

Melanie

 

Thursday, 5 September 2013

Apparently I needed some sense knocked into me.....


This past Saturday I went to bed because I was really dizzy (like the good ole’ days) well, the routine is; I go to bed and wake up feeling as normal as I get.  Well I wasn’t anticipating the change of rules.  I woke up sometime during the night and I was just craving something cold and refreshing in my mouth so remembering that I had grapes I pulled my feet to the side of my bed, not bad, stood up, a tad dizzy, started to walk, to my surprise I was even more dizzy then when I went to bed, “what’s going on here, we had a deal!!!” (To body)

Well as I tend to do my own thing, I am stubborn and decided to forego what my body was doing and I would push thru, get my grapes and go back to bed and not speak of this to anyone. (What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality)

Well I desperately tried to steer my body from my room into the kitchen which at best is only 7’ish feet.  The front door looked so inviting (this lies a tad beyond the kitchen entrance) I guess I wanted to get close and personal because I slammed into it head first.  I thought for sure one of the neighbours would call the police but no one came…..  In my head I said “oh s*** that fri**** hurt” then I turned around after gaining my balance to some extent and struggled back to my bed sadly…no grapesL

Oh, it doesn’t end here.  I had 2 plumbs in a bowl Monday night and when I woke up there was only one plumb and a piece of paper towel in my bedroom that had been used for a plumb.  I have no recollection of getting up to get a plumb what so ever.  The night before that however, I got up to use the washroom in the middle of the night and remember getting myself jammed against the cabinet on the floor and I couldn’t pull myself up but I was aware of what was happening and when I woke up I had a bruise on my shoulder (upper arm)

So my Vancouver dad suggested that I put some kind of string across my bedroom to see if I am in fact getting up in the night and just not remembering or what.  Because if I’m getting up and don't remember then this is a conversation that I would need to have with my Dr.

The change over of my meds is not going to bad.  I’m taking it really easy to make sure that I am getting enough rest.
 
The Holy Spirit has and continues speaking and comforting me thru music and the song I have attached is particularly moving with the choir in the background.  Everytime I hear it I get a lump in my chest and tears well up in my eyes, enjoy.
"i see you there..."
Thanks for praying for Alex, she is now my little bush girl with her 'L' and is a happy, happy girl.  She has asked me to tell everyone as she's just thrilled so please consider yourselves told.  Please continue to pray for her as the grey days start to head their way.
Bless you all for all your prayers for my family.
 

Thursday, 29 August 2013

You can have me....


I’ve been feeling pretty crappy this week as I start my seizure medication switch over.  It basically looks like this.  This past week I’m starting my new meds ‘Keppra’ as well as my regular doses of Carbamzapine and Lamotrigine.  So my body is taking a beating, next week I am full doses of Keppra and slowly over the next three weeks I will wean off the Carbamazapine.  The good thing is that I will slowly start to feel better; I’ve been told that it can take a few months until the liver sorts itself out.  Monday was a really crappy day.  But it’s no longer Monday and I’m still hereJ

My mum told me something on Monday that really put things into perspective for me.  Her pastor said that “we all have suffering, we just suffer differently.”  How true, I just happen to suffer from the effects of all the drugs I’m on.

I’m hoping to see my little ‘bush girl’ soon.  She will be with us for Thanksgiving and my birthday (Oct. 25) so I’m really excited to see her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdgg7XmTWls

Thursday, 22 August 2013

And finally.........Great news.......Amen


Well let’s just get right to the great news.  My liver function sucks BUT there has been no change in my tumour.  I’ve been told by my friends to dance it up now.  Well; I can’t dance or I’ll throw up and secondly no one wants to see me dance, especially not me.  So to get my toxic liver in order which will also stop the nausea. Dr.T is switching in and out one of my anti-seizure meds over a three week period I believe.  So that’s the short and skinny of it.  I am continuing to drop weight which I’m not enjoying so if you guys can please pray that I feel better soon so I can eat and drink normally again?  So I am chemo free for at least 3 months with blood work done regularly to ensure that my liver enzymes drop to the acceptable level. 
So excited...NO CHEMO...in my head I'm doing the happy dance.

Thanks for all your prayers.  My girl is still thriving in the bush.  LOL

Bless you all, always

MeJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9iog0hIVnA

Friday, 16 August 2013

Ouch, ouch, ouch and a final ouch


I went yesterday for my blood work and my MRI.  Well the blood work went fine; the blood freely flowed (?) from my veins.  However, when it came time for the MRI I was doing so good, I prayed and I could see an angel hovering over me which brought me great comfort in that small tube.  All the while I’m thinking “I wonder if a spider ever crawled in here when someone was in here” Re-focus on the angel.  Before I knew it it was time to get pulled out and get the dye injection for tracing the cancer.  Well this is where it got really funky.  She asked if I was de-hydrated after looking over my arms, I said “ de-hydrated, that’s an understatement”  so she couldn’t get a good vein so she apologised and had to go in the same spot they went into for blood….that was only the beginning.  It didn’t work so she says “well we are going to go into the back of your hand”  I don’t know if you’ve ever had a needle there but it is the most painful place I’m sure…still no vein…please understand that these were not just in and out needles, they were ‘the veins are recoiling so while the needles is in there lets hunt around and see if we can find one.’ That’s a lovely experience; having a needle in the back of your hand under your skin moving around.  It’s like going hunting but for veins…anyway long story short from there we went fishing on the wrist then discussed not getting the dye shot which would mean the image wouldn’t be as clear; I bravely said “nope not an option we need to find one, just make it quick.”  So we switched arms and found a wee one that couldn’t recoil quick enough so we got the little bugger. LOL.  My left hand was on ice most of the night and all the needle sites are sort today.   It’s done and now we have Wednesday to look forward too.
 

Thursday, 15 August 2013

Some action going on....

On Monday I had the ultra-sound on my liver.  Awe man did it ever hurt, it’s like trying to bend a broken arm, can you imagine the pain.  I’m not even exaggerating, it did hurt like that. (I’ve never actually had someone try to bend anything broken before but I’m pretty sure that would really suck)  The tech kept apologising every time I ‘ooched & ouched’.  LOL, when I got changed into the fashionable hospital gown with open back for air-conditioning I was asked to come into the ultrasound room; it was like a spa, the lights were dimmed and there was spa music playing in the background,  I smiled and thought this is a pretty sweet deal.  I’ve never had an ultra-sound like that before and it was an older Asian man which I have also never had.  It’s always been women.  Anyways, I get the results on Wednesday, August 21 with the results of my MRI and blood work that I am having both today at approx.  3:00-4:00’ish. Then I will sit on pins and needles until I get the results while praying to God to give patience and a good report.  I keep thinking how awesome it’ll be if he comes back and says,” Your liver isn’t doing its job which is why you’re always nauseas but we can fix that.  Your tumour hasn’t changed so we will keep you off chemo and check again in 3 months.”  Can you tell I’ve put a lot of thought into this?  LOLJ  gotta hope, gotta have faith and keep plugging through.
I have seen Alex once since she moved to the interior.  I had a sleep over with her and it was awesome.  She slept on the couch at the bottom of my bed and we gabbed until we both fell asleep.  What a blessing it was.  So I won’t see her now until she comes in October and then I get her for the month.  She loves her life and loves the nature and all that comes with it.  (I think that’s nuts, personally)  God clearly created her to live in nature because she thrives and is full of joy and even the anticipation of the winter is exciting to her.  I think my girl has found a new home.  Humph even as I type that my eyes are welling up.  I’m just so happy for her and to hear the joy in her voice when she tells me about their 6 dogs and swimming in the lake and finding a ‘cave’ of clear glacial water and then to tell me that she’s mudding and building things with her boyfriend blows my mind. 
I was standing in my kitchen yesterday making perogies and fried onions when this song came on and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and just be in the Spirit.  It was such an awesome time with the Holy Spirit, my leg was bouncing around and my hands went up and I was just overcome.  It was one of the most incredible things that I have ever encountered.  The perogies boiled over and the onions burned a bit but…..whateverJJ
 
I hope this song rocks you with the Spirit like it did me.
I am completely undone.
Bless you all and thank you for your continued prayers.
 
 

Friday, 9 August 2013

Retraction

Well along with all my questions yesterday was one that I made an error on.  Apparently everyone (except me) knows that the only time heavan will come to earth is in the end times.  Ooops sorry 'bout that.
Interesting though the amount of emails I have recieved from people who have the same questions.  It made me feel better about putting it all out there.
Mel:)

Thursday, 8 August 2013

"I don't get it, am I supposed to get it?"


So, I am going on Monday for my ultra sound on my liver, it’s still sore when I touch it. I know, I know “stop touching it!” easier said then done.  I’m starting to get dizzy again at night and the nausea hasn’t gone away so I keep plugging along eating what I can when I can. A lot of fruit, cereal and others.  I am still finding drinking a challenge.  Water tastes like metal to me and I’ve tried all the juice drinks and for me they all taste like crap.  I’m back on water because I do know that is the best for me so I take little sips bit by bit.

In my Bible studies we have been talking a lot about being thankful and what it means to have grace and I started to think to myself after hearing women say how grateful they are that Jesus came and died for us and how His love is undeniably (paraphrasing) the most awesome thing that’s ever happened.

Now, I’m going to try to tread sensitively here…..whatever here’s MY problem.  I have no doubt God is who He says He is.  I too am grateful that God sent His son to die so that I may live.  What I don’t get is how come everyone seems to know what Heaven on earth feels like and not me, what is wrong with my mind that prevents me from fully grasping the magnitude of what God did for us?  How come I can’t understand His huge love?  It’s like people are seeing another side that I don’t see.

I don’t get it.

In saying all of that.  Please pray for me for my ultra sound on Monday @ 2:00pm and for Alex who is thriving in her knew environment.

I thought this song was an appropriate one for where I am at this very moment, and only this moment.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVScvSBsm40

Friday, 2 August 2013

"OW don't touch that"!


So I received a phone call last night that my ultrasound for my liver will be on Monday August 12 @ 2:00p.m.  Well like many of you who put there tongues in cavities, hand on hot stove, or pick a scab; I kept poking around on the right said so much that I had a hard time getting to sleep.  Lesson learnt, don't poke if you don't know what you're poking at!!So I think I mentioned this before that I’ve had this pain for well over a year and I’ve had a couple of ultrasounds that show nothing more than “2 polyps, nothing to be concerned with”  I have my records from LGH so I’ve read the report myself.  Well hopefully I’ll get somewhere with my new Dr. who has ordered this new ultrasound.  I am also having more blood drawn on the 15th.  You’d think they’d have enough on file by now.  My MRI on my brain is also on the 15th. Hmmmm wonder what they’ll find this time. The results will come in on everything on the 21st.  Lots to look forward to this month.

I’m trying very hard to stay in the moment and not think about August.  Not without God though…not possible.

Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for my daughter and for patience for me.

Thanks guys.

MelJ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYhH-9i8ifw

Friday, 26 July 2013

The brain is boring lets give the liver a try...

So I had some blood work done and my Gamma GT levels in March were 282 they were checked again 2 weeks ago and like the rest of my health its 'Go big or go home!'  So my Gamma GT levels came in at 1508.  Now that's going big.
I'm not exactly sure what it is exactly they are responsible for other than they have something to do with your liver function.  So, now I am letting them take more of my blood to screen for Hepatitis A and B and a bunch of other liver tests.
This scares me a little because at least I'm used to my cancer, I know the warning signs, i know when something has changed.  But liver, I know nothing!
I'm also getting my eyes checked.  Oi Vay!
I'm a Chappell, there's no doing anything half way.
Of course I'll keep everyone updated.  I have an MRI on August 15 and I'll get the results on the 21st. So that will be an interesting month and should make for some decent blogging.  Kinda boring with not much going on.
OH even bigger than cancer in my life. (Sad face) my daughter moved out with her boyfriend and now lives in a wee little place called Seton Portage.  The wound is still fresh, she just left on Tuesday.
Thanks for all your prayers, please pray that Alex is protected and finds peace with God up there.
Thanks for your prayers and support.  Even in our crap we have to remember where our hearts truly are and be grateful.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVHZNgYXwMQ
Me:)

Thursday, 11 July 2013

Yesterdays appointments

Yesterday I had not 1 but 2 appointments.  Well I am going to be the smartest looking me I've ever been.  It looks like I need corrective glasses.  I have an appointment with an optometrist to give the final decision.  I don't mind wearing glasses, I wore them when I was still driving to help me see better at night so I don't mind. 
My neurologist's appointment was good.  I've been having some balance issues and I've fallen in the night and not remembered how I got back into my bed.  He actually named them seizures which he hasn't used that word before even after all those 'jello' episodes.  My Lamotrigine (one of my seizure meds) has been increased by 50mg so hopefully it doesn't do anything to me physically.  Its a very low increase.  He checked my strength in my left side as well as my walking heel to toe.  I almost fell over and overall my left side is weaker than the right but I already knew that.  Sometimes, don't you think that you could teach specialists a thing or two or if they accepted what you said as right, they'd get through a lot more patients. LOL
My daughter has had enough of me and is moving out on the weekend of the 27th of July.  I guess I finally drove her away.  All joking aside.  When she was hard to handle noone would take her, I couldn't give her away and now...
Ok this time for real, she is my precious treasure and is moving 5 hours away into the interior to rough it.  The song I chose is an appropriate song for this stage in my life.  Let's see where God takes me now.  Please continue to pray for me and please pray for Alex as she steps into her own path.
Bless you
Me


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UEvdEBSymOI

Friday, 28 June 2013

On the way up...

I’ve been feeling pretty positive lately regarding my chemo after shock.  I have most definitely turned a corner and I can totally feel the difference.  I have been and come back from Toronto.  I saw friends I haven’t seen in ages;  some even years, I saw my kindred spirit Cassy and my dearest friend Mona flew in from Boston for the weekend and rented a hotel suite at The Marriott so we just hung out and gabbed and she was so patient with me as my energy level is still building.
I still get tired when I’m walking around or I don’t have my afternoon nap.  The good thing is that because this last round wiped me out I have learned to back off when my body says to. 
I have an MRI booked for August 15 and the results will come in August 21.  I know the waiting is almost as bad as the treatments.  But not as bad as the last 15 or so weeks.  No point dwelling in what was when I have the 15th too look forward to.  I’m feeling like something may have changed, not necessarily worse, just changed. 
I am having a hard time getting up when I am crouching or sitting without help from a person or pulling up on something and I find I am walking into things.  I’m klutzy but not this bad.  All that being said, I am having a meeting soon with my elders to discuss coming back to work…I’m really looking forward to some normalcy in my life.
That’s about it for me at the moment.  I’ll blog again after my results or sooner if there’s any action on the tumor front.
Bless you and thank you for your prayers they continue to work.
Me
A beautiful moving piece of music, much like my life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NUxzoWdUGd0

Wednesday, 5 June 2013

Kicked down...but not out


Well there certainly seems like I have so much to tell you all.  I apologize now and in advance for the ‘few and far between’ blogs.  I don’t have internet at home which means I rely on my cell phone for a connection and that doesn’t always happen.  Anyways, so the last I told you was that I was going to Toronto and that is still happening, my dates have been chosen and the flight is now booked.  My dear friend Mona that most of you will know of, my Cuba partnerJ she is flying into Toronto from Boston for a weekend while I’m there so we will be staying in a hotel for the weekend together and just hang out, get some shopping time in and just be.
It has been a long time since we’ve seen each other and I am totally stoked.  Of course before any of these extras that I get I am staying with my Dad and Carol which is the best part but seeing friends I haven’t seen in 1-4 years deserves mentioning also.
So, my health.  Well I have been very sick to say the very least.  I think I hit my bottom.  Family would likely agree.  The good news about my MRI was very short lived.  The throwing up began again but I would swear it came with a vengeance.  If I wasn’t throwing up then I was on the cusp so stayed in bed or in my house watching movies.  It’s good to rest especially while you’re sick HOWEVER, your mind and the devil gets in there and wreaks havoc.  I got very depressed.  I started questioning my spirituality, my mental capacity and my physical being.  Three things I have always been able to rely on in the past all seemed to get kicked down at the same time.  Having my trip to Toronto was a huge help on my ‘road to recovery’.  I met with a couple very wise friends on the days I was able and received some very wise opinions.  My brother and I hung out quite a bit which was awesome.  We both figured we’re family so if I throw up who cares.  In the wise words of my brother,” I don’t care, if you throw up you know where the bathroom is!”  As of yesterday I am meeting with my pastor to help me work thru some stuff that came up while I had this time on my hands.  It’s not good stuff, just decisions I’ve made in the past.  I know the blackness and rage  that surfaced was not from God but it stuck around which made me think it may be something I need to lay to rest once and for all so that’s the plan.  No point running from our crap cause it’ll catch up sooner or later.  Up until a few days ago my skin remained like it was burned, the cream helped but didn’t get rid of it.  I think it was a side effect that had to work its way thru.  I am happy to say it has left my body.  I am still nauseas but I’m on…ready for this…Prochlorperzine.  It is helping and I have not thrown up in a couple days so thank you God.  Many a night I lay perfectly still with my hand on my tummy praying that I wouldn’t throw up and when I did I cried out to God.  So as it stands right now I have lost more weight than I feel I can afford but I have a plan.  When I get back from Toronto I have until August (next MRI) to get my body ready for another round, possibly, of chemo so I’m going to do what I love to do.  I’m going to start target training with a longtime friend of mine.  I love boxing I trained for years kickboxing but when they found the second tumor I kinda gave up.  Rule #1: just because you’re sick or scared doesn’t mean you should stop doing what you love.  I learned that the hard way.  So learn from my mistake, do what you love because you never know when God will call you home or when you feel so utterly crappy that you can’t get out of bed.
So the song I chose may seem a little dark but I’ll say 2 things about that.  It turns around so give it a chance and it was the lowest I think I’ve ever been thru this cancer journey and I have always shared everything, pretty much, so I’m sharing this also.  Can’t take just good, you take it all or nothing at all.   God there were hard times between us but I’m thankful that we made it thru.  Thank you Jesus. Ame

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGsS46SjvXU&list=PLE09C7D4B24D4E438

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

Answer to prayer...

Well I just got back from my oncology appointment and my second tumor hasnt grown. YAY!!! Now would be the time to celebrate.  My side effects can last from 10 to 12 weeks but he told me about Aveeno Oatmeal Cream to put on my arms and body where I feel razor burn so I picked some up at the store.  I then asked him if I could go back East he told me I had to wait until my platelets were up from my last blood check which was on May 11 and they were at 54.  I informed him that I had just had blood work today at 1:00pm so he quickly checked the results and came back and said "Book your ticket !"  So off to Toronto I'm going and resting and  generally chillin' out.  The dates are still being determined but my Dads taking care of it.  So I will go back to see my Dr. in 3 months to have another MRI and depending on the results they'll determine if I need to go back on chemo but until then I have 3 months off to recover fully from this last hit of chemo.  Now this also means that I can return to my job which I have missed so much. So thank you's all round for all your prayers and although the side effects still bother me I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.


Bless you all and please continue to pray.
Me

Thursday, 16 May 2013

3 steps forwards 1 step back. Doable

Good news.
My sleep is getting better, could it finally be turning around?
Dare I allow myself to think my sparkles and rainbows are on their way back to me.  Is it possible that God is taking this on now?  Of course I know it is.
So lets count, today I showered even though I didn't smell (I have good genes, we don't smell), then I finally after days of my bed being open in the living room I exerted a little more energy and closed it and what do you know...I still feel great WOW this is awesome!! Aside from razor burning a bit on my back and tummy I'm feeling pretty ok.  Not back to normal but absolutely better than how I've been feeling.  One more thing to do before I call it a day, here's the one step backwards kind of, I had to deposit my pay check so I walked slowly down to the bank, signed some papers as well and as I was saying goodbye to my bank guy 'Jason', my balance just went so before I fell down I grabbed the counter and had success.  Not gonna lie I was rather embarrassed because people looked and he clearly didn't know what to say or do so I got out of there ASAP and went next door to Tim Hortons, not just a coffee shop but also a safe place to go too in times of need.  I called my Dad (Vancouver) I was dizzy and couldn't walk so I'm sure it was only a couple minutes and he was there with the car to bring me home when I realised I forgot to force lunch down my throat (no appetite). But this is not good because the body needs food or it rebels.  Within minutes of walking in the front door my head was in the toilet as my stomach heaved with nothing in it if i keep this up ill have a 8 pack in no time.  The 6 pack was carved out in the beginning of tummy troubles.
Well now I feel fine again except a headache.  Today is a decent day......it seems like its been forever.  Hence, i say the slow return of sparkles and rainbows.
I have songs but I'm writing this on my IPhone and cannot put a song this way.  Ill do it next time, you'll need Kleenex it's beautiful and very moving.
Please pray this is infact the turning point for me.  Bless you and thank you.  Praise God for a good day today.

Me

Tuesday, 14 May 2013

What i would give for sparkles and rainbows

I feel like crap.  It seems like that’s all I say these days.  I think I should get a t shirt that just reads “I feel like crap” and save everyone the time of asking.  I have put an actual feeling to the crawling skin that I have constantly been referring too.  As it hit my neck the other day I tried to touch it but it was too painful like razor burn.  That’s what it feels like; my entire body is one big razor burn.  So the way I figure it is too use a lot of ice packs and keep rotating them on different parts of my body as the burn comes up.  There’s always an up (positive) to counter the down (negative) so if you find mine let me know.  Unless of course you consider that this reaction will likely end after 12 weeks instead of the rest of my life then I guess that’s the up.  Load of rubbish I’d say!
I'm going to see a counsellor i think to help me work through some of this.  I am finding it very difficult to manage how I feel physically, mentally, spiritually and continue to guide Alex, its just too much right now.  My energy is running very low and I need some help finding my unicorns and sparkles.
Sorry but that's about all i have to say right now.  I am really struggling here so please continue to pray for me.  I'm still believing that God is with me.
Thanks.

Friday, 10 May 2013

Not every day is sparkles and rainbows

Well I wasn’t going to blog anytime soon as I don’t usually like to blog when I have a lot of complaining to do.  But I think that may be a while and I would hate to leave you all guessing what’s going on with me.  So here’s the deal, I did my blood work on Friday and everything went up all be it minimally it went up none the less so I went on my retreat.  I didn’t hear from my Dr.  so I took that as an OK go to the retreat.  Well the Friday late afternoon was fine until I was ready to go and socialize with all the other women, my tummy decided it had other plans so you can guess where I ended up.  If you guessed the toilet bowl then give yourself a gold star.  Later that night I went and took some medicine that settled my tummy and helped me sleep.
Saturday was much better, it was hot I chilled with God, listened to a great speaker and received lots of prayer…shit didn’t hit the fan until I got home Sunday.  I could hardly move my hands without wincing in pain.  God forbid I have to make a fist because that was borderline excruciating.  Well I made it through until Monday when I went back to the hospital for more blood work ---pin cushion---my levels had gone back down again.  YAY (sarcasm) now what?  Still waiting.  Bigger problems, now my stupid knees are killing me.  They hurt when I walk they hurt when I sit they hurt when they stay in one position for a short period of time.  Maybe I have cancer in my bones.  That’s all I can think of.  How can I not???? It’s a logical assumption.  Paranoid? Yup.  Everytime something hurts for no apparent reason I think, What if it’s more cancer?  Im told that is a very normal fear with people with cancer.    So it’s now Friday May 10 and my fists, knees and total body skin and muscles still feel messed up.  THIS SUCKS!!!!!  I am in so much pain all the time and im almost finding it hard to see the good in all this, I know it’s there, I know God is going to use this but it sure would make it a lot easier to handle if I knew why the pain had to continue.  I am supposed to have an MRI within the next 4 weeks and see my specialist on June 4 for the results.
This morning I went to see my GP and she looked up this type of chemo I’ve been on and apparently I don’t have bone cancer. All these lovely side effects are part of the chemo.  Talk about a package deal, boy did I ever score pretty well on that one.  See what bargain shopping does for you?!  Get what you pay for.
So now there’s more blood work and I got a phone call this morning that my dates have been changed to MRI May 18 and specialist apt. May 22.  I’m glad it’s closer because I want to know what’s going on because I would really like to go to Toronto before I return to work but my body (especially my knees) have to be in good form to fly and I still don’t know what the chemo plan with me will be yet.  All to be revealed May 22.
So unless anything major happens between now and then please keep praying as I try to move from feeling mentally, physically and yes, almost spiritually drained to the happy yet sarcastic Mel again.
Thanks for all your on going prayers.  When all is said and done at the end of the day, God is still God.



Wednesday, 1 May 2013

"This must be a good sign!"

I had my blood work done today and my platelet count has gone up 5 points so that's awesome.  Still a bit low but I think it's enough that I can go on the retreat.  I'm still waiting for the official verdict and it is likely they will want to see Fridays results before giving me a final decision so I will continue doing what I do best.. Wait...uggghhhhhh!!!

Tuesday, 30 April 2013

An exchange of blood


So I have had a bit of an easier week this week although last week was hit and miss.  I still have moments of nausea but I have decided that I will continue to feed my tummy if it grumbles and I feed it,  it will do one of two things, either stay down or come up.  The problem is that when my tummy grumbles I’m not sure if it’s because I need to throw up or if it’s simply because I’m  hungry.
My body is still crawling and it hurts all over.  My blood levels were checked yesterday and they are all low especially my red, white and platelet levels so today I went in to get a transfusion.  I learned that my blood type is A+ and I learned that my platelet level being so low is in fact what’s causing my ‘bruised feeling’ so now I have to have my blood drawn every other day.  This doesn’t make me smile too much because that means more needles.  But whatever they need to do to ensure I feel better I’m in for.    So as it stands right now, I will have an MRI within the next four weeks and after that and they get the results we will discuss the next course of action.  But I am off the chemo  that made me so sick, as it turns out most people go two  rounds at a reduced dose and my body took five rounds at a full dose, it may seem a little arrogant but I've been feeling so crappy it was nice to be reassured that the body wasn't failing me which was my concern .
So needless to say I am feeling a bit better mentally and its funny how that seems to pull everything in line.  I feel more in line with God and even closer at the thought of spending the weekend with Him at the retreat I am going too barring any problems with my blood results.  If anything does not line up with the blood results then I will have to give up the weekend and get another transfusion…nothing I can do about it though but pray all is ok.
Best part of this week;  My daughter turned 19 today!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVzIGMqRznk