Spider alert, spider alert

So i'm having the same problem again with this blog. So if it all of a sudden goes all wonky i'm apologising in advance. I just sprayed, what I would consider a mid- size spider. I used about 1/3 of a can of Raid on it and then grab a handful of paper towel and had to grab it really quick, run to the bathroom, drop it in the toilet and pray that the toilet could flush all that paper towel because there was a lot. Well it all went. For those of you that don't already know, I suffer not only from itching but also from full on legit arachnophobia. I'm not joking, it is so bad that I will never live in a house NO desire to, I really dislike living on the bottom floor which really is the main reason why my balcony is completely screened in from top to bottom, staple gunned and all. The way I see it, I avoid their home they should avoid mine. Alex always took care of them, we are well into the cold season, they're time for coming in to get warm is well over now so if you didn't get in well i'm sorry about that. So for you all that's probably not very exciting but I am on a bit of a rant mode here. I have a couple things I need to get off my chest. Firstly, I got the results of my MRI yestserday and the awesome news is that the second tumor is gone, completely GONE!!!!! AMEN! My oncologist still thinks that it may not have been a tumor to start with and thinks it may still have been left over from my radiation and had he have been my oncologist at the time he would've ordered a couple more MRI's before making the 'chemo' call. Anyway woulda, coulda, shoulda sisters. Doesn't help me today does it? My horrific itching is not due to my anti seizure medication as my Vancouver Dad and I originally thought which was a logical assumption as it seemed to start around the same time give or take but infact is being caused by my liver problem. So what does all this mean? Well, it means this...when you see me please offer to scratch my back, an arm, my head or my hand and when I say yes please know that I am not kidding. So I have a question that I've been, not struggling with because that's too strong a word, I guess, conversing, getting to the meat, with God over. Why is it that we, generally speaking (I don't mean to imply this is everyone) encourage one another to "let 'it' out, tell God how upset you are, how angry you are, how you are so disappointed about how you feel, how you don't understand why, how you feel like He turned His back when you needed Him the most." But when it comes to ourselves we don't do that?! You know last night I was so angry and upset about the itching and that last night I truly did not care that i had cancer all I cared about was that I was told that this maybe a few months or maybe a year, the liver has to sort itself out at least to some degree before I am able to find relief. All I heard was "well great news about the second tumor eh?" and yes thats fantastic news of course its good news i'd be, pardon the word but i'd be an idiot to not see that but it doesn't change the itching and that at this point in this moment is way worse than having cancer that, and really let's be truthful, it really hasn't impeded my life much. God really has truly blessed me. What really I guess stunned me was that when the rubber hits the road I didn't know who to call. In my mind I actually thought of who I could call that wouldn't judge me, that would allow me to just get it out and who would validate how I felt and up until that point I hadn't felt that. Fortunately, I am the one that will call and say, "I need to vent and please just tell me that you understand and feel the exact same way and I have every right to feel how I feel and that I'm not losing my mind. Can you just tell me that?" And usually I get, from this person " You know Mel, you make it so easy to be your friend, I love knowing in advance what you need from me?" Don't get me wrong, there are also times when I need direction and guidance but I am human and sometimes need a good old fashion rant. So I have an Intro to a NewSong song called Rescue but I cannot find this intro on YouTube but in the intro from ITunes, the singer and his wife are on a music boat cruise and they find out that she has severe invasive cancer and he started to speak to God and he says how mad at God he was and he said to God "God I hope you know that if she dies from this I will never talk to you again, I will never talk to you again because she's the most precious thing to me on the face of this earth."... then Jesus and he were sitting on a park bench and he said to Jesus, "I'm serious if she dies from this I'll never speak to you again." He smiled at me like I'm smiling at you and He said,"yes you will you just don't understand what's going on. You forgot Russ that Mary's life is hidden in me, and there's nothing that can get to her that doesn't have to pass through Me first, not even cancer. I'm gonna use this for my glory but I need you to trust me." I said, "Well I don't know if I can do that, tell me she's going to be alright." He said,"I don't owe you that, I don't owe you that, I just need you to trust Me cause I'm never going to change I've got this." His wife is now cancer free. NewSong says if you can't trace His hand trust His heart. I told you this because A. I needed to rant and B. As a reminder to everyone myself included that sometimes we need a reminder that God created us and knew we'd have our hissy fits every so often. If he's o.k with it then why aren't we? (again not meant as a blanket statemnet) There is no spell check due to HTML typing so I will do doing it so lets all remember i'm super itchy therefore distracted and may miss a couple here and there...give me a little grace. I am going to try to link a song but if it doesnt work please pray that my itchiness leaves soon and for my daughter as she digs in as winter hits where she lives. Thanks for all your prayers they do not go unanswered.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMVJUGbqUKY