So, I am going on
Monday for my ultra sound on my liver, it’s still sore when I touch it. I know,
I know “stop touching it!” easier said then done. I’m starting to get dizzy again at night and
the nausea hasn’t gone away so I keep plugging along eating what I can when I
can. A lot of fruit, cereal and others.
I am still finding drinking a challenge.
Water tastes like metal to me and I’ve tried all the juice drinks and
for me they all taste like crap. I’m
back on water because I do know that is the best for me so I take little sips
bit by bit.
In my Bible studies we
have been talking a lot about being thankful and what it means to have grace
and I started to think to myself after hearing women say how grateful they are
that Jesus came and died for us and how His love is undeniably (paraphrasing)
the most awesome thing that’s ever happened.
Now, I’m going to try
to tread sensitively here…..whatever here’s MY problem. I have no doubt God is who He says He
is. I too am grateful that God sent His
son to die so that I may live. What I
don’t get is how come everyone seems to know what Heaven on earth feels like
and not me, what is wrong with my mind that prevents me from fully grasping the
magnitude of what God did for us? How
come I can’t understand His huge love?
It’s like people are seeing another side that I don’t see.
I don’t get it.
In saying all of
that. Please pray for me for my ultra
sound on Monday @ 2:00pm and for Alex who is thriving in her knew environment.
I thought this song was
an appropriate one for where I am at this very moment, and only this moment.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVScvSBsm40
Hi Mel - Well .......... treading equally carefully (not knowing who might read this), my first reaction is you are not understanding them (as distinct from what they appear to know). In my experience, this is quite expected because they probably don't understand themselves. Many people can quote biblical scripts and say all the right things simply because, as regular church goers, they have been inundated with such texts for many years. There may also be a need to "conform" to a church's expectations because a deep insecurity needs to be addressed. In simple terms, a need to belong can create strange behaviors!
ReplyDeleteGiven your circumstances I can only admire you (and I am sure He does also) for being so up front and honest with your thoughts. Of course He is all powerful and looking after us but He also knows that he made a decision to give us freedom of choice as to how we live. There is no doubt in my mind that he respects someone who is really trying to understand albeit with great difficulty, in contrast to the great sadness He must feel for those who constantly regurgitate those expected phrases at appropriate times. The problem, from my perspective, is that in many cases they do not know what they are doing. They simply are not thinking it through. My favourite questions when it comes to testing another's views are those like "Do you support suicide?" "Should abortions be illegal?" "Should the death penalty be brought back?" "Do you support euthanasia?" What all these questions seem to have in common is that if anybody gives a very quick Yes/No answer, then I really don't believe that they have thought it through because there are so many extenuating circumstances. I am not suggesting there are no Yes/No answers, but I am suggesting that most people (maybe the ones you do not understand?) do not think things through very thoroughly. Have I just made your situation worse???? Huge Love 'n' Hugs. Dad.
Well, my friend. I totally get what you are saying.
ReplyDeleteI am still on this journey of having a "heart" understanding of God's love and sacrifice. It's still only in my head.
As for the song...this song has been one of my favourites since I first heard it...I was driving in the car a few years ago and the lyrics stopped me cold....I was crying so hard I could hardly drive. It was so real for me, I could have written the first 2 verses. Where it talks about knowing all the stories, talking about God being mighty to save, but then those words being empty. My take on that is without the personal relationship, the seeking Him, it's just empty. And distant. And that has been part of my journey. I have had a couple of experiences like "the slightest glimpse of you brought me down to my knees" and while it completely blew my world up (I thought I had God figured out, right?) there is a part of that that made me feel so glad...that God is so much bigger so much more than I could ever label and put in a box or category. He is more and I can have the Hope that He CAN be my Saviour, He DOES have the power to save me and be my everything. But surrendering to Him and seeking Him is an Act of Will, and I resist choosing Him most times, because I cannot reason it out or control it. Bless you for your honesty Mel. Know that many many of us do feel or have felt exactly like you. xo
God's love really is incomprehensible. That's why I don't get it either. It's not something that will ever be within our understanding this side of heaven, and i'm not so sure we'll get it there either, although it'll be easier without all of our masks, pretenses, walls etc. that keep us from seeing "face to face".
ReplyDeleteYour dad makes a good point about people who are quick to speak, but slow to think or understand. Shallow words don't reflect deep thought. And while we're redeemed by God's grace, we are still fallen human beings with finite minds and hardened hearts, and comprehending something as pure, unconditional, and all-encompassing as the love of God - we just can't get it. Those people who claim to "get it" are actually a stumbling block to those more ready to admit their own spiritual shortcomings.
Bless you my friend