Good morning everyone. I have had a very reflective & very emotional weekend and I have realised a few things.
I feel that I've been focusing so much on how or if others will see God in how I handle this whole radiation thing that I have lost sight of God myself. This was a hard thing to accept as I was broken this weekend and I really-finally-admitted to myself that I feel like I was robbed when I was diagnosed 4 yrs ago. I am angry under the facad (sp) of calm and coolness. I am tired of putting on the brave face for others to see and I am tired of lieing to myself and trying to hide my feelings from God. Which we all know is not possible but I tried. The reason I chose the song, attached, that I did was because I was trying to think of a song that really tapped in to how I felt over the weekend and I thought of this one from months ago that I had and as soon as i played it the emotions came on so I know this was the song. I found it kind of funny how at a strong part of the song it shows someone grabbing their bald marked head, a bald woman laying down and a bald person splashing thru the water. (coincidence? I think not). Anyways, I wanted to put it out there because it needs to be brought into the light for me to move forward. So there. its said and I know that I will move past this, I just need to get re-rooted with God and then let go of the last 4 years and then move on (easier said then done). Can I just ask that people not call me with advice or opinions or suggestions. Although I know they would come from your heart. Considering I have spent the last, I don't even know how long, acting for the benefit of others, I'd kinda like to do this without influence.
This is me taking a break from my cancer.
I am realising now that my cancer does not define me and I need to find out who I am in all this because I got lost somewhere along the way and so did God. He went left and I went right, so to speak.
Bless you all and please continue to pray for me.
Mel
Hi Mel
ReplyDeleteI am pretty sure that you are working through (maybe not consciously) the following five stages however, while the sequence below is not uncommon, you will not necessarily follow that sequence:
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
You should know which ones have been addressed and which ones are outstanding, but I do believe that you must work through all of them before you can move on. Hope this helps you understand your situation.
Love 'n' Hugs. Dad
So honest :)Brenda
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