BREATHE INTO ME!!!!

WARNING!!!!!!! THIS IS A VERY LOUD SONG (CHRISTIAN METAL) SO EITHER TURN YOUR MUSIC DOWN AND READ THE LYRICS OR LISTEN TO IT AND GET INSIDE MY HEAD-----YOUR CALL, BUT CONSIDERED YOURSELVES WARNED!!!

So I am going thru some serious stuff now getting set up for my radiation.  There's a lot of fear, I'd be lieing and hypocritical to say I was totally fine.  I'm scared and I feel the seriousness of the situation...its beyond joking because it is real.  Yesterday when I was getting my mask made and when I was in the CT scan machine I prayed so hard....my spirit cried out to God. And the funny thing is that I put on the brave face for everyone else because it makes all of 'you' feel OK and then I feel OK cause you're all OK, its like a vicious cycle so how about no one ask me how I'm doing and when I want to talk about it I will.  Right now I just want to work it out in my head with God and as you can tell by the song Him and I are working pretty hard right now.
Breathe your life into me!
I can feel Him right here beside me....and I keep reaching out my hand then pulling it back, then reaching out again and pulling it back, yesterday I reached out my hand and I let Him take it. 
We all have fear but as I've said before, faith means feeling the fear & moving ahead to Gods will anyway, I like taking out will and putting in arms.  Id rather fall into His arms.
So this is a hard chapter of my life.  I will blog and email and face book, but for some reason talking about it is just too hard right now.
If you have comments or questions I am happy to read and answer them but please remember....I know there's people worse off then I am, I know that God is right here with me, I know everyone cares and they just want to help.  I know that I know what I know.  But this is a journey that I am going alone, no matter how empathetic you are, bottom line is that I need to do it and right now its not easy for me.  No question, I cannot imagine going thru this without God holding my hand but sometimes we hang on as best as we can because in that moment letting go seems the easiest thing to do----I WILL NOT LET GO!!!!
Please continue to pray for me my dear friends.
Blessings to you all.
(this is the raw Melanie)