Answer to prayer...

Well I just got back from my oncology appointment and my second tumor hasnt grown. YAY!!! Now would be the time to celebrate.  My side effects can last from 10 to 12 weeks but he told me about Aveeno Oatmeal Cream to put on my arms and body where I feel razor burn so I picked some up at the store.  I then asked him if I could go back East he told me I had to wait until my platelets were up from my last blood check which was on May 11 and they were at 54.  I informed him that I had just had blood work today at 1:00pm so he quickly checked the results and came back and said "Book your ticket !"  So off to Toronto I'm going and resting and  generally chillin' out.  The dates are still being determined but my Dads taking care of it.  So I will go back to see my Dr. in 3 months to have another MRI and depending on the results they'll determine if I need to go back on chemo but until then I have 3 months off to recover fully from this last hit of chemo.  Now this also means that I can return to my job which I have missed so much. So thank you's all round for all your prayers and although the side effects still bother me I can finally see some light at the end of the tunnel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpVD_QQGSzU

Bless you all and please continue to pray.

Me

3 steps forwards 1 step back. Doable

Good news.
My sleep is getting better, could it finally be turning around?
Dare I allow myself to think my sparkles and rainbows are on their way back to me.  Is it possible that God is taking this on now?  Of course I know it is.
So lets count, today I showered even though I didn't smell (I have good genes, we don't smell), then I finally after days of my bed being open in the living room I exerted a little more energy and closed it and what do you know...I still feel great WOW this is awesome!! Aside from razor burning a bit on my back and tummy I'm feeling pretty ok.  Not back to normal but absolutely better than how I've been feeling.  One more thing to do before I call it a day, here's the one step backwards kind of, I had to deposit my pay check so I walked slowly down to the bank, signed some papers as well and as I was saying goodbye to my bank guy 'Jason', my balance just went so before I fell down I grabbed the counter and had success.  Not gonna lie I was rather embarrassed because people looked and he clearly didn't know what to say or do so I got out of there ASAP and went next door to Tim Hortons, not just a coffee shop but also a safe place to go too in times of need.  I called my Dad (Vancouver) I was dizzy and couldn't walk so I'm sure it was only a couple minutes and he was there with the car to bring me home when I realised I forgot to force lunch down my throat (no appetite). But this is not good because the body needs food or it rebels.  Within minutes of walking in the front door my head was in the toilet as my stomach heaved with nothing in it if i keep this up ill have a 8 pack in no time.  The 6 pack was carved out in the beginning of tummy troubles.
Well now I feel fine again except a headache.  Today is a decent day......it seems like its been forever.  Hence, i say the slow return of sparkles and rainbows.
I have songs but I'm writing this on my IPhone and cannot put a song this way.  Ill do it next time, you'll need Kleenex it's beautiful and very moving.
Please pray this is infact the turning point for me.  Bless you and thank you.  Praise God for a good day today.

Me

What i would give for sparkles and rainbows

I feel like crap.  It seems like that’s all I say these days.  I think I should get a t shirt that just reads “I feel like crap” and save everyone the time of asking.  I have put an actual feeling to the crawling skin that I have constantly been referring too.  As it hit my neck the other day I tried to touch it but it was too painful like razor burn.  That’s what it feels like; my entire body is one big razor burn.  So the way I figure it is too use a lot of ice packs and keep rotating them on different parts of my body as the burn comes up.  There’s always an up (positive) to counter the down (negative) so if you find mine let me know.  Unless of course you consider that this reaction will likely end after 12 weeks instead of the rest of my life then I guess that’s the up.  Load of rubbish I’d say!

I'm going to see a counsellor i think to help me work through some of this.  I am finding it very difficult to manage how I feel physically, mentally, spiritually and continue to guide Alex, its just too much right now.  My energy is running very low and I need some help finding my unicorns and sparkles.

Sorry but that's about all i have to say right now.  I am really struggling here so please continue to pray for me.  I'm still believing that God is with me.

Thanks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOXp2vHzzxk

Not every day is sparkles and rainbows

Well I wasn’t going to blog anytime soon as I don’t usually like to blog when I have a lot of complaining to do.  But I think that may be a while and I would hate to leave you all guessing what’s going on with me.  So here’s the deal, I did my blood work on Friday and everything went up all be it minimally it went up none the less so I went on my retreat.  I didn’t hear from my Dr.  so I took that as an OK go to the retreat.  Well the Friday late afternoon was fine until I was ready to go and socialize with all the other women, my tummy decided it had other plans so you can guess where I ended up.  If you guessed the toilet bowl then give yourself a gold star.  Later that night I went and took some medicine that settled my tummy and helped me sleep.

Saturday was much better, it was hot I chilled with God, listened to a great speaker and received lots of prayer…shit didn’t hit the fan until I got home Sunday.  I could hardly move my hands without wincing in pain.  God forbid I have to make a fist because that was borderline excruciating.  Well I made it through until Monday when I went back to the hospital for more blood work ---pin cushion---my levels had gone back down again.  YAY (sarcasm) now what?  Still waiting.  Bigger problems, now my stupid knees are killing me.  They hurt when I walk they hurt when I sit they hurt when they stay in one position for a short period of time.  Maybe I have cancer in my bones.  That’s all I can think of.  How can I not???? It’s a logical assumption.  Paranoid? Yup.  Everytime something hurts for no apparent reason I think, What if it’s more cancer?  Im told that is a very normal fear with people with cancer.    So it’s now Friday May 10 and my fists, knees and total body skin and muscles still feel messed up.  THIS SUCKS!!!!!  I am in so much pain all the time and im almost finding it hard to see the good in all this, I know it’s there, I know God is going to use this but it sure would make it a lot easier to handle if I knew why the pain had to continue.  I am supposed to have an MRI within the next 4 weeks and see my specialist on June 4 for the results.

This morning I went to see my GP and she looked up this type of chemo I’ve been on and apparently I don’t have bone cancer. All these lovely side effects are part of the chemo.  Talk about a package deal, boy did I ever score pretty well on that one.  See what bargain shopping does for you?!  Get what you pay for.

So now there’s more blood work and I got a phone call this morning that my dates have been changed to MRI May 18 and specialist apt. May 22.  I’m glad it’s closer because I want to know what’s going on because I would really like to go to Toronto before I return to work but my body (especially my knees) have to be in good form to fly and I still don’t know what the chemo plan with me will be yet.  All to be revealed May 22.

So unless anything major happens between now and then please keep praying as I try to move from feeling mentally, physically and yes, almost spiritually drained to the happy yet sarcastic Mel again.

Thanks for all your on going prayers.  When all is said and done at the end of the day, God is still God.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3wwWFsSlNQ

"This must be a good sign!"

I had my blood work done today and my platelet count has gone up 5 points so that's awesome.  Still a bit low but I think it's enough that I can go on the retreat.  I'm still waiting for the official verdict and it is likely they will want to see Fridays results before giving me a final decision so I will continue doing what I do best.. Wait...uggghhhhhh!!!