Liver still not playing nice

So I had my liver enzymes checked yesterday and they are still rising which is the wrong direction, if my white blood cells were doing that then that'd be awesome but they're not all the liver functioniong ones are. My GGT is the biggie that everyone seems to be paying so much attention to I googled it and the fancy name for special Dr.'s like my gasterenterologist (took me ages to pronounce that right)up until then I was just referring to him as the liver guy or Dr. depending on who I was talking to, so the GGT stands for 'Gamma-glutamyl transferase'. So here's what I was told I don't know how long ago now I think it was in the summer my liver blood work will be done monthly and my liver guy will monitor my GGT and if it sky rockets to somewhere like 1100-1200 range then he'll call me in and look at doing something else until then it's basically 'don't call us we'll call you' so i'm fine with that. He figures about 1-1.5 years until i'm back on track not so fine with that though unfortunately I have no choice. I pray before I leave my house to go anywhere including my own family's houses, restaurants, friend's homes, anywhere that takes me out of my own home that my body will behave and that everything I eat will settle in. It's been this way for well over a year already I truly empathise with people that suffer in these types of suffering bubbles. I think I've said this in previous blogs if I have well consider this as consistency (sp) in story telling, my mum's pastor said "we all suffer,we just suffer differently", my vision then was people in individual glass bubbles as far as my eyes could see, they were their own suffering bubbles and the further down this path of cancer I go the more suffering bubbles I acquire therefore allowing me to empathise with more people. But of course I too complain, I might be able to empathise with some peoples sufferings but that doesn't mean i'm ok with my own any less then your ok with yours. I am now having MRI's every 4 months instead of 3 so my next one is in March and I'm experiencing some minor neurological changes, i'm stuttering a bit and I'm having a hard time trying to find my words when i'm speaking told my neurologist at my last appointment with my Vancouver Dad and he right away said that they were side effects from the radiation and my oncologist suggested i change one of my seizure meds and I was not down with that. Once you get a cocktail that works the last thing you want to do is mess around with it. So I told him that my neurologist said it was the radiation and my radiologist had told us this would happen so I was inclined to go with my neurologists opinion but as they are both on my team I said "You guys figure it out and if he (neurologist)feels strongly about changing my meds then I'll 'consider' it but if I don't hear from him then I'm not doing anything!" Well that meeting was Septemer 30 and I never heard about it again. So that's that. My song. 'Everything' is an oldy but a goody. I sat one day in my red Chevy Cavalier (loved that car) with my Godmother,who I chose, and I had heard this song before on the radio and again it came on and I asked if she thought it sounded like a Christian song and sure enough it is a Christian song so now it's like our song and Auntie Barb you've been on my mind a lot lately and I know you aleays read my blogs so this ones for you because He really is our everything, when we are in our suffering bubbles He is our everything. There is a man named Colton Dixon and he was on American Idol and he made it to I think it was the top 2 and this was his final song sung on his knees. Look it up on Youtube. Pretty great. Bless you all and please continue to pray for healing in my liver bubble. thank you all. Mel:):)

Just plain sad

You guys all know I had to return my cats to the animal shelter about 4-6 weeks ago well I seemed to be doing a lot better about it but for some reason tonight is really extra difficult to get through so I could really use some prayer, I'm just very sad and I miss having them with me and by my side when I sleep, instead I have a black stuffy gorilla that i pretend is Bouncy but it has a diffetent name and a tan and white colour bull dog also very soft but my black gorilla is the best one.  I talk to her and sleep with her grasped under my arm probably choking it  (good thing it's not bouncy).  Anyway please pray for peace in knowing that wherever they are they are happy and that I can find peace in knowin that Gods taking care of them.
Thanks guys.
Mel

God my awesome provider (with a side of grumbling) click here for your awesome God song

I wonder if it’s going to let me type the way I want it to today? Nope it's not, I must've changed a setting or something along the way. Oh well it is what it is I suppose, So a while ago we were all stoked that I had graduated from MRI's every 3 months to MRI's every 4 months and if I had 4 in a row clear then I would graduate to 6 clear in 6 months and then the BIG graduation to 1 per year and that would be OH HAPPY DAY well I got the results from my MRI last week, yesterday and......(this is the 'holding your audience in suspense part') my MRI is so stable that I'm skipping the 4 months all together and going straight to 6 months. Is my brain awesome or what?! Now it just needs to teach my liver a thing or two. I'm going to get all the good stuff in now because then I have a bit of grumbling to do because lets face it I'm human and we all have the grumbles at times and now for me is one of those times but I like to start on a high note, my weight is 116.6lbs, now here comes the grumbles, feel free to turn me off if you don't want to hear me grumble I won't know you did it therefore I won't be offended besides I just started a womens book study at my church and the first chapter was about not being afraid of what people will think so here's a good place for me to start, hiding behind a blog. LOL. So here's my grumbling, I know there's people wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy worse off than I am. I have been blessed my entire life, sure i've had my struggles and made some exceptionally shitty choices but God has always had my back even when I didn't know it. You all know I started boxing approximately 6 months ago, well i've lost about a month of training now because my stupid back muscles will not play nice. My brain has no problem, not even over heating like it used to, liver hasn't even been to bad but my back has put me into physio 5 times already in the past 2 months. I've never had to do that before. Now I have to go for back maintenance until my muscles smarten up. I have a friend who suffers from chronic back pain and every other kind of pain you can think of and raises a daughter, teenage daughter no less and I start complaining to him and I am so quick to say, "Who am I to be complaing to you?" He's very gracious with me and doesn't make any smart remarks back. So needless to say I haven't been able to box which means there's been no outlet for me and I've been eating because I'm not really doing much else because it hurts which is why my weight is 116.6. I tried out a Karate/kickboxing school thinking 'maybe if I went back to a style I knew like when I had Elite I'd feel more comfortable' I seriously considered leaving boxing to go back to what I knew but it was totally not the same and I felt like I was trying to resurrect the past and I went through the feelings of sadness from when Elite closed again. Incase you didn't know Elite was a Martial Arts school that I was part owner of from 2004-2009 before I sold to a now very dear friend of mine. Anyway I think thats enough of my grumbling done, oh and actually, huh God is so awesome He just reminded me of something so awesome I dont know how I could have even thought of signing off without telling you all this, unbelievable, OK before I tell you I'm blaming my brain cancer for my bad memory here. A few years ago when Alex and I shared a very small 1 bedroom apt.I asked her to pray to see if God would let us move into a 2 bedroom because I'd been sleeping in a very small living room on a pull out couch. So we both prayed and I had a vision and it was of Gods puffy smokey hands (as I always see them this way)and he was very clearly leaning over top of our apartment suite and it looked like as if you took the roof off a doll house Alex was in her bedroom (we were both plastic doll figures with plastic doll furniture) and God had his hand on me and was moving me around in my dining/living room. and then $1100 came to mind. So a few days passed as I was hoping Alex would come and say the complete opposite to what I had been shown and the amount I had been told because there was noway in my building would that amount happen for a 2 bedroom well as usual my patience ran out so I asked her if she heard from God and she said yes and I asked what did He say and to my disappoint she heard the same thing. Units came up and not wanting to hear Him I asked each time "how much" and it was always over $1100, sometimes it was so close but, well we didn't move so 4 years later Alex moved on and I took over the bedroom and then in July of this year (Oh I just had a thought did I tell you guys this already?) I'm going to go and check but if i lose this i'm going to e so angry.....ok well you're all still here so that's a good sign. So it appears I skimmed over it but not in this much detail so where was I? My building manager flipantly said to me one day "we're renting out the apartment upstairs" so I asked a couple 'feeler' questions that led to her asking if I'd like to take a look so I ended up taking a looking and as soon as I walked in I was so stoked it was so amazing every thing matched there was actually a dining area the cupboard doors in the kitchen were actual white cupboard doors not just white chipped paint the handles on everything in the apt. matched the bathroom and kitchen had been completely fully renovated and the bedroom, dining room and living room had huge windows that just let all the light in and the best part......2nd floor without trees infront NO easy access for spiders. Well in my mind it was a done deal but I remembered what God had told me so I asked "how much is it?" and she said "$1025". I said, "Well, I have to pray about it but I'm definitely seriously interested so if you have someone who's really serious about renting it let me know." As if I could apply pressure on Gods decision hah:) Anyway of course like everyone when we want something we're on the phone to everyone we know asking for prayer right? Well i'm no different than anyone else and that's exactly what I did I tried negotiating with God,"If you let me have this one thing I promise I'll.... and I'll......I won't miss any more church, I'll spend more time with you, read the Bible more, be nicer to people, talk more about you..." nothing! I didn't hear a word. Absolutely nothing, I checked in with my friends it was like a stillness had fallen noone had heard from God and then I was told that they needed an answer so I went to God again and I asked and I said "God this is what I would really like, Alex is gone it's a start of a new life for me it's under the $1100 that you gave me I'm going to go in faith that you're OK with this unless you tell me otherwise. I'm also going to trust in you to pay the rent because I can't afford it but you can, unless I hear otherwise." I signed the lease the next day and everyday since July I've opened the front door I've thanked God for this amazing blessing He has given me this home is such an amazing gift from Him I cannot begin to tell you just how much I am in love with my home there are just no words to describe it. He has truly given me a new life allowing me to live here and He has provided for me everyday in every way from the day i laid my damage deposit check on the table to today when i took out the garbage. God has provided. An accountant and an unbeliever would say I'm stark raving mad, I say I have an awesome God. Now you tell me, how on earth could I have forgotten to tell you that story if not for stupid brain cancer? God is my Everything and it doesn't get any better than that even in the grumbling. Continue praying please for healing in my back and for healing of my liver. Bless you all and thank you for all your support and prayers. Grace please for grammar and spelling.

Live from Boston....

Well I'm in Boston and I can still only type in HTML mode so I'm thinking its a software upgrade system I've missed over the passed 10 years or so. That's ok, no biggie. So I'm here in Boston, my dear friend Mona was kind enough to fly me out so we could hang out for a week so that's been a nice break especially having to give my 2 cats back to the shelter because I can't care for them anymore. I think i've cried everynight and sporadically through the days too so my time away was really God's perfect timing. So I had some liver blood work done and the enzymes are slightly elevated over last visit they are not a concerning increase which I am ok with. (And all you sick people that have been avoiding me, for what reason ill never know because when you have cancer it scares everything else away LOL) Anyway if you're one of those people you can come and hug me now because my white blood cell count is headed up so i'm getting stronger. Boxing is awesome. I'm now doing open training on Mon. Wed. & Fri. with classes on Tuesdays, Thurdays and Sundays. I've been off for a couple weeks with a rib and muscle injury but started back the week before last and then decided I wouldn't train the Friday, Sunday or Monday just incase I injured myself before my trip. I don't who of you have flown through Dallas FW airport but OH WOW what a horrible experience that was. I would avoid that aiport at all costs if I flew somewhere and had to catch an ajoining flight, thay have a skyline that takes you around to all the hubs of the airport but the hubs allgo differnt ways so depending on the stop you want to make determines the hub you take and because i was there so early my plan to hang around there and maybe have a nap or something didnt happen because i was thenalso told that the get will probably change and it did about 15-20 before boarding it went from gate 31 to gate 4. Well I don't check luggage so i have my laptop and it's so heavy and digging into my shoulder i'm in so much pain and i can't be bothered to hold my carry on any longer because its just too heavy so i did what any normal person would do I droppped it onto the ground and I dragged it down from gate 31-4. I didn't know where the skyline was. I had taken it earlier from Pod D to Pod C with a kind gentleman but with the exception of him I didn't find people to friendly but i was told this was the peak of holiday season so that could be why. I dunno. Im coming home on Tuesday and I'm really going to miss Mona but I'm getting homesick now and she has 2 cats and i'm really missing mine. I attached the song I did for the simple reason that it was playing on the TV when we got home from the airport and it made me think of my college days, I had a pretty serious flame back then and we drove a lot to this song. It's a good 'back in the day' tune So if your listening Chris, there you go my friend. THE SONG IS LINKED TO THE TITLE. Love to you all and prayers I continue to see God in this healthy recovery regardless of it's pace.

We all need a reminder of how God sees all.

HTML The title holds the song so please click on it. It may just be the little blessing you need today in this very moment to encourage you, remind you of how much you mean to God or how great of a person you are. So go ahead and click I promise nothing bad will jump out at you. Seriously, I know normally that'd be my style but not this time:) I had my liver blood work done yesterday and my enzymes have all continued to drop "what does this mean?" you may be asking, well what it means is that the toxicity that has been pretty much taking over my body for the past year is finally on its way out. Still a ways to go yet but these #'s are the lowest they've been since I think before i was blasted with an unwarranted amount of ridiculous chemo. Anyway, I'm here and that's what matters. Still having some 'digestive' issues but i've realised that when i'm under more stress or anxiety than usual my system rebels and kicks up a fuss so I avoid stress as much as I can and I go to my boxing class at Griffins Boxing 3 times a week, awesome club by the way and great programs with very knowledgable trainers.(Griffins plug, not even getting paid to say that) So not really a lot to tell you guys OH I moved, obviously I'm not going to tell you where but i just off of the ground floor so spider visitation is minimal now so I am very happy. I am really enjoying coming home into a nice bright, spider free, safe home. Although a friend from church and I were talking, this already sounds funny to me, I was telling her that my daughter I think it was last year bought me a knife for my birthday because she knows I don't like staying alone so I was telling my friend this and she says to get a baseball bat and keep that under my bed, they won't be expecting that. Now I'm thinking of that Christmas video "They Won't Be Expecting That" see youtube if you haven't seen it. Ok back to my baseball bat story, so when I moved my mum came over and we were admiring all the closet space she said "oh look there was a rod here I guess this was used as a closet for something, but it'll be a good storage area for you. and your cat litter can go in here." So a few days later I'm almost at the bottom of the closet (unpacking boxes)and I notice this fat solid rod so I thought to myself, "sh** this would knock the hell out of someone if they tried to break in here, screw the baseball bat this is way better!" So, here's the chance to have a good laugh at my expense once again, I callled my mum to tell her of my awesome findings and about the conversation with my friend from church who used to be a copy years ago. Turns out that the awesome heavy piece of wood I found was the rod to hang clothes on. I said "I don't care now it's under my bed and it'll be used on any poor sucker that tries to come through my front door. I'll knock him senseless". I have a couple, well three friends that I can think of off the top of my head that are gong some pretty crappy stuff right now, I am of course not at liberty to say nor does it matter God knows who they are and what they need. If you could please pray that God bring them each comfort and shows them love and reveals himself to them, i would really appreciate it. On that note, I had the Jesus talk with someone on Sunday I think it was. People say oh well just tell your story, that's the Jesus story. OH NO IT IS NOT!!!! I fumbled and tripped over words trying to explain who Jesus was and why he did what he did and answer questions, I have never had a more uncomfortable conversation with anyone before in my entire existence it is not an easy fluid conversation to have. I fumbled over words, thankfully my friend knows me enough to know that I am very faithful in my walk with Christ and that I have a hard time expressing a lot of things. Fortunately the seed was planted because the last thing she/he said to me was "I want that." She/he is going through some tough times right now so I felt good that we were able to have a 'stumbling' conversation on that level at all so after my friend left I sat down and said to God, "OK God its all yours now" and then I smiled and thought that I did the best i could for a first timer. The song above is a special song the lyrics are so beautiful but as I was listening to it this week there was a section of the song that really spoke to me for a dear friend of mine who I know reads my blog. And I want to just tell you that I love you and I think you're beautiful and a very dear friend to me. Thanks for all your prayers everyone. Me

Move

So HTML I don't know why I even bother telling you anymore I'm sure you've figured it out by now. I listening to music while I'm typing so if I start typing sentences that sort of go off on tangents you'll know I'm typing what's in my ears. So did I tell you about my graduation....Im going to save this and see if I can check my last blog hmmmm I might disappear completely ok let's give it a go....hang on we're going for it, yup we made it. WOW I was a bit scared for a minute there. I know i'm just rambling well that's because I dont really have anything to say. As hard as that is to believe it's the truth. I decided to cancel my course at school, no don't be sad it's ok, no really it's ok I was bummed at first but it's ok. The part that sucks is with that came the snowball effect, that decision is made and literally taken care of and I go to boxing and for whatever reason I all of a sudden start to suck there, my cardio was worse then then when I first started unbelievable!!!!!!!!!!!!!!What is going on????????? Anyway I've been really trying to pick myself up out of this slump and have asked God a lot of questions because my tummy has been off again and I know it's because of stress and anxiety, it's a big trigger for me physically, as long as I can remember. Anyway enough about me, so I just got one of those screens that have magnets down the centres of them and my cats won't go outside now because they can't navigate their way through them. I opened them up and Bouncey and Wednesday went through but when I shook their treat bag they both looked at me as they were saying "oh please help us we're stuck" I felt so bad I had to let them in and give them their treat. So I actually was only going to blog because I found this little happy song and my feet cant stop when I hear it, it's a song that makes you do a happy dance to, I'm not kidding you. I can picture my Toronto Dad doing a little happy dance as I type this. Its a little catchy tune. It'll make you smile and it'll make you do a little happy dance, I'd almost guarantee it. Bless you all. Happy dancing feet to you all. Oh, my little bunny hopped by my window at work on Monday. I looked up and thanked God for my bunny blessing:):) The song is in the title. Mel. Liver Dr. is on the 23rd. I just listened to that song for the millionth time those lyrics are good reminders, life sometimes really does suck but we just keeping moving and adjusting and letting God bend us as we go, come on tell me that's not cool?!

I've graduated!!!! (My little happy dance, whatever that would look like besides awkward)

HTML So lets just get right to the heart of the blog because I have studying to do; yup you heard it right no need to check your hearing I said studying. :):):) they finished revising my course and I have started it. Well started reading and taking notes on Chapter 1 yesterday, it took me a day just to read through all the prep stuff and I didn't even do ALL of that yet. So I prayed about it and before I start each day I am really going to make a conscious effort to try to remember to ask God to come into my day and help to remember what I need to remember and to be able to take the notes that He needs me to take and that my recall is sharp and I pray that the Holy Spirit protects my mind and that I am able to understand and make sense of what I am reading and apply to something that makes it relateable (SP). Not sure whose department that will fall under but they're one in the same so I guess they'll figure it out, all I need to do is show up. So I am 15 pages in with notes taken I am trying something new this time, prayerfully I asked God how to structure my study time because although last time I did really well I was absolutely completely 'spent' in the end and I don't want it to be like that again so I figured that I'd pray about it this time and see if God's got any better ideas (smirking at myself) so I am giving myself approx. 5-6 weeks per unit which still leaves me some extra time if I run over, Sunday will remain my Sabbath and I will study in 1/2 hour intervals with 15 minutes between to get up stretch get a drink whatever but get away from the table. The other thing that's been sticking in my brain (besides the cancer)is "don't study where you eat & don't eat where you study." I don't know why but it won't leave my head. When I'm done with my books and accessories they get piled very neatly on the chair and it goes underneath the table. So it's already difficult but with the help of God and my friends prayers and cheering squad all of a sudden this mountain is now a moles hill. I'm trying to think of a humorous analogy but i'm getting nothing sorry! Ok so more cool news. My boxing is going pretty good. I'm 'crickety chemo' pains. Any of you that have been on chemo or have arthritis will know exactly what I'm talking about. The joints are aching mainly in my ankles but the knees are feeling it a bit too. I strained my achilles last week but they recovered nicely but I did something funky to my calf muscle on the right leg because I could barely walk on Monday after class on Sunday so yesterday I took a rest day. I'm no stranger to my limitations. Overall I'm enjoying it I'm even getting used to the humility part, it's not so bad probably good for me. The instructors are really nice I think sometimes a little too nice. Not in that way, come on you guys really (tisk tisk ;) Obviously they needed to know about the tenant in my head for safety reasons and also if I start floundering around on the floor like a fish out of water they'll know why and not just throw water on me. (ok it was an attempt at a decent analogy) But i feel like they're using 'kid gloves' on me and that part is frustrating. I just want to say "it's ok it's not like I'm going to die if you push me hard, just stop treating me like I'm a porcelain doll." So I just push myself to keep up with the guys I just modify a lot of the conditioning that they do. So the part you've all been waiting for I'VE GRADUATED!!!!!!!!!!! My MRI came back clear today and so I've graduated to getting an MRI every four months. So I'm totally stoked. I don't what I'm going to do to celebrate. If I had champagne I'd pop the cork but I don't and I don't have the money to buy a bottle. So all of that to tell you that I don't get another MRI for four months. Oh side story, I took ground beef from my freezer day before yesterday to make shepherds pie yesterday but when I went to get it out of the fridge it had a hole in the bag and blood had dripped from the bag and had splashed down on about 85% of my food that now had to be thrown away! So I had basically by our standards nothing to eat. On the left side of the fridge, the splatter free zone, I had my yogurt, butter, milk, little potatoes and I think thats about it. So I decided I'd admit defeat and I'd use it as an excuse to soothe my yearly crave of the most unhealthy hamburger (if you can even call it that) the BIG MAC. I ate every last piece of it. So my plan was after my appointment today I was going to grocery shop...well my body had it's own agenda, I'm still having 'running' issues so I no sooner got on the Loblaws street when I said to my Vancouver dad that he should just take me home because I wasn't feeling very confident that i could hold on to get thru a grocery shop. So home I came with still no food. I figured I'd treat myself to pizza but I let the phone ring 3 or 4 times realized what a waste of money that was and hung up I had my trusty oatmeal instead. So that's it. I'm going to study a bit more now and find something else to eat and call it a day. Forget about my cancer it's time now to focus on something of real importance, my school so please pray, cheer, send me little encouraging texts, emails, little notes, anything you'd like, God and I will take anything you have. Thanks (insert heart here) you have all been so supportive over the years. Bless you all. The song is a really good one it's very mmmmmmmmmmmmm alive. (i'm hoping it helps me move with my footwork in boxing)click on the title

And God answers another prayer

So where would you like me to start other than stating the same repetitive garble about how this blog will only allow me to type in HTML mode and gives me a hard time every time I try to link an awesome song for you all to listen to. I think something else is going on. I think there's other powers at work here trying to deter me from getting Gods awesomeness out there. I am aware that 'awsomeness' is not a real word but it fits and my best friend and 'little sis' Elisa and I have a list called Mel's made up words because sometimes words come out of my mouth and they're actually not real words but they make sense in the sentence I use them in most of the time we have to stop and think if it's an actual word or not (laugh) I think I do it a lot more but most people don't have the heart to tell me, I wish they did because compiling the list is actually quite entertertaining for me to go back and look at so if I use a Mel's made up word please tell me. So, I don't know whether to start with the great news or make you wait....yup you'll have to read the blog before I tell you OR you can skip the .................................................................................................................................. represents the analogy I thought would be to controversial so I decided against it but wanted you to know that there was something else intended to be there I dont know why I wanted you to know i just did. Anyway I'm totally getting sidetracked, I'm listening to music and typing at the same time. Multi-tasking with brain cancer, clearly not a good idea. I started boxing 2 weeks today. Awesome, body is actually holding up pretty good considering how long it's been since it's done anything that requires any type of energy. Today my legs are quite sore from all the lunges with weights I did on Tuesday. A good sore, but sore none the less. I go with my friend Kim from Elite so we encourage eachother. It's very hard for me because before I was a big fish in a small pond now i'm starting all over and it's very humbling, noone wants to partner with the girl who doesn't know what she's doing or has physical limitations and is so out of shape. It's a shot to the pride which is good don't get me wrong I have no doubt we all need to be taken down a few notches through out our lives but when it's you getting taken down it's hard. Kim has been very encouraging and Elisa did warn me that everything I learned previously was not the same as boxing but I didn't actually believe her, well I was so wrong. That ego got slammed down pretty quick. Again sidetracked but important things to learn from me, things that God is teaching me...humility ugghhhhhh hard lesson and no doubt it's only the beginning. My school has been delayed. I'm registered and ready to rock'n'roll but the Abnormal Psychology course that I am registered for is being revised so it's not starting now until the end of May or mid June. I figure they know I'm taking it so they want to make sure that it's challenging enough because they know that I have a very special brain, it's not common and doesn't work like others. (giggling to self) I went on a women's retreat with my church the first weekend in May. Can I just say 2 words? Well I'm going to anyway. REST & AWESOME God spoke to me and showed me so much, I met new people and deepened relationships with others. I giggled all weekend with a friend and just couldn't stop, her laughter is contagious. I can now rest in knowing that not everyone is going to like me and that's ok. I have been a huge people pleaser and peace keeper my entire life so to come to this realisation is a huge revalation and only through the eyes of God was I able to see that. I learned that I can be content outside of my circumstances. I had a vision of someone surrounded by pure chaos there was all these different 'things'(typewriters, papers, computers,all technological gizmos) flying around them and if you can imagine the old school comics that said things like ZAP BING BOP ZING all of those words and lightening bolts were flying in and out and then this person got up and stepped on foot at a time outside of this chaotic thing and just stood there in complete silence looking at this chaotic mess. In complete contentment. Peace. Ok, recap, Boxing, school, retreat,...Alex is still loving her job so keep praying for her please and thank you. So I guess all that's left is the end of the blog which is the best part and you've all been waiting for. My weight is approximately 117 lbs. My hair is starting to grow back and I have a little pixey cut (sp). My liver enzymes were just checked and it turns out they are the lowest they've been since April 2013. Which is a massive answer to prayer. It is actually a miracle. So God gets a massive shout out for that one!!! So I think that's about it, well that's an awful lot for one blog, I have an MRI on the 21st and the results on the 28th of this month and nothing exciting coming up, just chill for now and get my body in shape and get my mind ready to rock out the Ab. Psyc. BRING IT ON!!! Please click on the title for the song. And please close your eyes and be ready to chill, grab your favourite God something, something that comforts you and just chill. I know I say that about songs but this time I'm totally serious, so please do it. It's a song that we heard at the retreat. Bless you all. Me:)

So much pain

So I am doing fine well, the seizure meds are not changing, my oncologist was quite positive that changing them will not help the liver and it was the chemo that is still in me that has and is continuing to do the damage so once again it's just time. I'm eating way better than I was before and my weight is awesome I'm at about 112 lbs. Which is a major jump:):) I weighed myself at the Dr.'s the other day. I was so happy I almost did the little leprachaun (sp) jump but thought I might look odd. But wait that never stopped me before...anyway I didn't. I'm doing a trial boxing class next Thursday May 1st the day after Alex turns 20, 20 that's like HUGE!!!! I can't believe I have a daughter who's 20. Unbelievable. Where did all the years go? Ok, back to the boxing, so for a long time now I've whined and complained about needing to exercise but not finding anything I really like to do, I need a contact sport and when I did kickboxing it was great but then Elite closed that option closed as well so it's been 4 years and nothing. I tried swimming, made a half-donkey attempt at walking, ok well I thought about it but I am a contact sport person, I can't just swim in a pool or just walk or run there's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. I just need to relieve my stress in a different way that's all. Like in a punching different kind of way. Noone (specialists) has a problem with it, no sparring but I'm not an idiot, actually, that was the best part of kickboxing but I know that's out of the question so it's just target and bag training and body conditioning. Spirit, body and mind. I'm feeling very positive about this direction that I am on, I don't feel like I'm off the path God has me on which is good because that is so easy to do. So overall things are going pretty good. Retreat is only a week away which means school registration is also just over a week away and my trial boxing class is less than a week away. And save the best til last my daughter's birthday is only days away. Mixed emotions there. “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” (Mother Teresa) I'm ending my blog with this today because I have friends that are grieving with great pain right now and of course for those of you that I don't know but find yourselves in the same position. I'm not quite sure how I linked the song to the title as I've been mucking about with it for a couple days now but somehow the song is linked to the title so just click on it and the song will open up. It works because I've logged out and tried it. Thanks and please pray for my friends, and yours, that are just in a place of hurting right now and encourage them but lets not get all 'preachy' just encourage them. Be like a good waiter, let them know you're there when they need you but don't hover or keep interrupting by suggesting things to try on the menu. BAM how's that for a wicked cool analogy!!!! That even impressed me:):) Thank you fellow waiters and waitresses for letting us know you're there and for not hovering, God bless you all! Me

God SMASH!

"...there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: 'Mine!'" (Abraham Kuyper) FYI: funky typing still???? I saw the liver dude yesterday, the liver looks normal as in there's no abnormalities no lumps nothing living there that shouldn't be there, no one has taken up residence. I am happy about that because if there were then I've losing out on rent and that'd suck!!! So what does all this mean? Well hmmmmmmmm at this point he doesn't really see the point in doing a biopsy to which I quickly responded in agreement and he felt that the best place to start was with a conversation with my neurologist (seizure Dr.{good guy})to see if we can change the seizure cocktail I'm on without causing any seizures. Well, now that my life is normal let's go ahead and muck about with it. Sure why not it's been pretty mundane for a while it's about time we rattle things up a bit. I don't like my seizure meds being messed with and I have NO problem being vocal to any degree about that. If asked I will voice my opinion. He (liver dude) said there is going to be some high levels regardless because of all the crap I'm on and have been on. I guess the question is what level is acceptable. I have a liver blood test before then so I'm praying that everything drops before then and all of this will be irrelevant. Every time something changes it's another 3 months I have to wait until I can leave Canada and I feel like someone may very soon buy me an all inclusive trip of a lifetime (my dream trip, that I could never afford without the lotto 649)to The Maldive Islands. You know the ones that are out on top of the water with the clear bottoms, yup they actually do exist, the most beautiful beaches in the world are there. White sand absolute crystal clear water as far as the eye can see. Ahhhhhhhhhh that's my heaven right. You know I just looked up heaven in the dictionary and the definition says 'any place of complete bliss and delight and peace. That's what will be waiting for me up there with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I'll praising Him from the beaches of white sand and the crystal clear water. I just deleted a ton of text i don't know what I meant to type but it was nothing but garble, even I couln't figure it out. LOL OK so Alex moved into her place on Friday. She came over for tea and to get some things that she forgot on Friday. It was a bit odd for me. It's kind of weird knowing I have a daughter that essentially just lives like right over there. It just feels like I'm too young to have a daughter right over there, you know what I mean?! Or maybe not. She's loving her jobs. She works for Body Mods in Park Royal and at Delaney's coffee house (shop????) in the village. We talked about Body Mods a lot because 'back in my day'(ageing myself) I worked for many years for The ALDO Group and it was the best job I ever had, great company I was so loyal to a fault to ALDO. I worked like a dog and loved every minute of it. Why wouldn't I? If not for ALDO I wouldn't have been able to take care of Alex. ALDO was the company that brought us out here. I was very different then. I had an edge, I was guarded, I dressed really good and it felt as if I walked with purpose and confidence. Anyway, that's a whole other blog for a whole other day, before I got side tracked, Alex thinks she's found her ALDO. She's so happy with her job and they are so happy with her, I love seeing her like this. So, not everything can be about cancer and liver and all that rubbish, life goes on and good stuff happens and I have good stuff to tell you so are you ready.................................................................................................................... just making sure I have your attention, remember in 2012 I had to cancel my Abnormal Psychology course because they were starting radiation and it was just too hard for me to do? Well I've praying about starting again for a while and I've been praying that if God was down for that then the doors would just swing open and if not then they'd just slam in my face, hard! Well, open they did. My Toronto Dad agreed to pay with both of us understanding that I would give it my all and if I couldn't complete the course it wouldn't be through lack of trying. He's also offered an added incentive to reach higher grades. God didn't stop there, because I still have a bit of a credit on my account and I have the main textbook and the study guide the price is about 25% of what it would normally have been. Then to ice the cake, God steps it up even more:):) I called the Disability Services department to apply for an extension on the exam (it's an extra 1.5 hours which I need) and they required paperwork filled in for the first course I did in 2011, the lady I spoke to on Monday asks me if anything has changed and I said "nope" and she says "well then don't worry about refiling the paperwork we'll just use the one from 2011". Really, I'm not joking, it was that easy. So here's the plan (God laughing up there because this is my plan:) I'm going to review the notes I originally made between now and the women's retreat which I am going to the first weekend in May. I'm going to go away for that weekend and spend that weekend focusing on my relationship with God and getting that on the right path and re-aligned (you know what i mean) and then I'll start the course when I get back. Lastly, I want you to read this and then close your eyes and picture it. God's smokey hands in the shape of fists, not angry fists, but like power fists, imagine them smashing like the HULK onto the earth and imagine a huge ripple effect, a massive ripple effect. Like a big SWOOSH. I call it a God SMASH. Just say it out loud, it is so descriptive. Close your eyes and imagine the fists and say God SMASH and then imagine the ripple. It can be anything, dust, water, earth, anything can SMASH. I've prayed for my friends that are not believers and I (giggling to myself) asked that they'd feel a God SMASH so that they couldn't question that it was God, they would without doubt know it was Him. I've prayed that I would have a God SMASH encounter. Whatever works for you right?! For me it carries a lot of description and power, a different kind of power than I already know He has. I chose the song I did because of the God SMASH. Bless you all & a lot of my friends are having difficult times right now so if you can lift them up in prayer I would appreciate it. God knows who they are and what they need. And pray for my liver to sort itself out and of course for my Alex. Bless you all for your support and prayers. My friend Kristie, Alex and I saw Hillsong in concert probably in 2010 and it was the first and so far the only time Alex and I have been to a concert together we were jumping up and down just like the people in the attached video. This is what I would describe as a God SMASH! Praying the link works http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4OHAhhkCZs

"MINE!" He roared!!!!

"...there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: 'Mine!'" (Abraham Kuyper) Key board is weird. I am now convinced that is something to do with the connection with the phone and my laptop. I don't have internet at home so I connect my phone to the laptop and pull the internet from my phone (data plan) to connect on my laptop. Anyway I probably explain that to you every time. Well sometimes we need things repeated until they sink in, at least I do.LOL. So I had more blood work done .... Big Sigh!!! I feel good, I'm told I look good well, not the kind of good I would like to be told at 42 after so many treatments, but good none the less and I'm feeling a heck of a lot more confident in my body regarding it's reliability but the blood just won't get on board. It still going up. "HELLO stupid blood you're going in the wrong direction!!!!" I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I rarely go the direction i'm supposed to go in either. God says "left" I go right, He says "forward" I stand still and the one I am famous for and i'm sure it's His favourite (sarcasm) He says Be "still & silent", I make myself busy and I pray and than decide what the answer was and do just that. It makes God's job easy. Well that is of course until He just puts His big puffy finger on me and says "stop" and then i'm squished so I have no choice. All metaphorically speaking of course. I haven't actually felt God's finger holding me in place, many other things but not that. So you know about my sucky blood work, well I also got to experience the wonderful joy of having my organs pushed down on by a lady who held a little odd shaped 'thing' with warm goop on it. Well let me start off by saying Thank You God for pushing humans in the direction of developing a warming unit that heats up the jelly goop so it no longer goes on with an "I'm sorry this is going to be really cold." to start off the ultrasound experience. Instead, she got towels all tucked into my clothes so just my tummy was showing and started to glide the thing (I don't what to call it so it's 'thing') around my tummy and as soon as she went to the right side where my liver was up went the level of pain and the ooching! and ouching! and then she started the apologies as she asked me to roll onto my right side to have a look at me kidney my pain went through the bloody roof. I justify using that word because tecchnically it's not a very polite word in England but we don't live there so..... and God knows I'm thinking even worse right now at the thought of the pain that ultrasound caused. She didn't check the right kidney or maybe when she did the liver she could also see the kidney??????? I'm no expert, so I don't know what they see so I just laid there with warm goop on me, if not for the pain I think it would feel quite nice. (giggling in remembrance) I told her about the ultrasound that I had at the BCCA with the man the had the spa music playing and the lights were dim, remember that? I blogged about it a while ago. She said there was no spa music here. I didn't weigh myself but i'm pretty intune with my body, always have been, since before I was pregnant with Alex. So I'm feeling like I weigh about 108-109 now but definitely not less than 107. Many thanks to my friends that are continuing to make me some healthy foods for me to get my liver functioning properly. It has truely been a huge help to me. Alex has found a part time (although a decent amount of hours for part time)job at Body Mods in Park Royal. It is a jewellery booth that sells body piercing jewellry and other items such as after care products etc. My mum and sister just popped by there I think it was yesterday and bought 2 funky leather and rope bands that you tie around your wrist and they each bought one so they got a deal on the third. One of the great things about where she works at Body Mods is that they always have some awesome deal on and what they sell is good quality. I'm really stoked on this for her because she is so excited & the company offers a lot of sale incentives for the staff and growth potential within the company so Alex is very excited so this is great for her. This is really helping her transition back into North Vancouver. She also has found a room to rent close to the my family & that is also a positive thing. I see my liver dude April 7 for my ultrasound follow-up, obviously nothing wrong or I would've heard by now same with the blood. I'm just praying that they don't need to take a biopsy because I know that involves a very BIG needle thru my poor little tummy all the way down into my hurting little liver (said in feeble, weakened, decrepit,tiny voice) Thank you for your continued prayers for myself and my family. Once again I am going to try to link a song, Click the title of the blog to hear the awesome song. I was just about to publish this and then I remembered that I have a prayer request. I have been praying & thinking about; getting back into my Psychology program with Thompson River University. They have a Psych.2 that I would take just to make sure my foundation was strong enough before I went into the Criminology program which was what I've wanted all along. There is one issue that has already presented itself, they have expired my account which means I cannot log in, that makes sense it's been almost 2 years, the problem however is there's money in my account because my intention was always to return so a portion of my fees (all be it a small portion)was kept in my account. So I've emailed them pretty much what i've told you so if you can all pray for that and if God's ok with me going back I'd really appreciate it. Now that my hours at work have been cut it's a great way for me to spend time doing something i enjoy and can really sink my teeth into. I remember the nail biting feeling last time I did it but I also remember the confidence it built in me when I passed each assignment and how good I felt. My Toronto dad always said "education is never a waste!" It needs to be God's decision and His funding, and TRU has to OK the whole thing so I would really like this so please pray about it. I'll keep you updated as I hear anything. Gotta say it's nice to have something cool to look forward to for once instead of "when's my next stupid Dr. appt.?" or "heh look my hairs starting to thicken, I hope I can grow it by the summer so I can get it cut!", "I have been seizure free for over 6 months, I could actually get insurance and leave Canada now!", I don't know about you but I'd much rather say,"I'm starting University again!!!!!" In our busy days it's important that we, "be still and be silent". That's about as profound as I'm able to get today. Bless you all MeL CLICK ON THE TITLE FOR THE AWESOME SONG FOR THIS BLOG

LET'S SCOOP SOME POOP !!!LOL (FYI typing in funky mode again)

So, I saw my liver dude on Tuesday. He's a nice man, I understood everything he said which I liked. Sometimes when I see these guys it's like they have their own secret language club and i'm not a member. So I had a requisition for A LOT of tests (blood and poop) I know ooooooh, they give you what looks like a little pitchfork, I know too much detail but it was really funny, I was grossed(real word??) out but at the same time I was thinking,"oh what must I look like right now?!". Here's how I made out. Firstly, my poop test came back fine from what I could tell by the comments YAY :) My GGT is still high but is still on it's way down, red blood is looking good, white is low, but i'm having another vitamin drip on Tuesday so that'll help give me a jolt and a low count isn't abnormal given my illness. All my liver tests are out of the 'good' range some less than others and i'm no expert so I don't know how much outside the range is acceptable. I just figure if there's a problem someone will call. I still have an ultrasound to do but i think it's going to come down to the bloodwork personally. Getting the enzymes back on track will be the way to go. My weight is maintaing itself at 107lbs that's very good news. I'm hooked on Liberte Coconut Greek yogurt (good for my weight)it's high in fat content. I was told to eat the high fat yogurt but I water it down a bit with a lower fat yogurt only because it's really really creamy. So onto bigger and more exciting things...My awesomly awesome daughter is coming back tomorrow! Not to live with me. I'm just the in-between place, her plan is to find a job and somewhere to live and start the next chapter of her life however that looks. I'm trying to think what else I have to share with you guys but I can't think of anything...hmmmmmmmmm maybe that's it. Could I actually be all caught up? Yup I believe I am. Alright then. Thanks guys for all your prayers, I am in much better head space these days, I'm feeling much stronger and tighter with God than I have been with God which is always good for a pick me up. In my Bible study group, I don't understand a lot of it, but I get little nuggets here and there. So I'm focusing now on the reality that God is my ultimate boss, I do my job for Him, He gave me my job, He employs me and decides when I'm to leave and what I learn and how I learn. So this is a huge lesson I am only beginning to learn and I have only just begun (side note: really good Carpenters song)and already I find I am rubbing my head and asking "WHY?" over and over. So, I move on into the new chapter of learning how to do life in this world that I am in. Well, I guess I did have more to say afterall. Ok now seriously I'm going:) Bless you, thank you. Please pray Alex finds the right job and the right place to live and they both be of Gods choosing and have His blessings on them. This was on the first page of my Bible study session this week... "...there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: 'Mine!'" (Abraham Kuyper) Me:) (I'm going to try to link a song) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uzib_3E3A58

Old me New me Old me New me Old me New me and so on and so on ....

In my defence my computer has not been behaving, well I think its more my blog has not been behaving because I’m at work and its fine.  Whatever now I’m blogging.  Lots to tell you.  Alex has decided to move back to the north shore and will be crashing on my couch from February 28 – march 31 at which time she plans on having a job that will allow her to rent a room somewhere (I’m hoping on the north shore) but she’s leaving the doors openL

The naturopath was very helpful, he gave me some solid ideas for changing the foods I eat, and I have a couple friends that are helping me do that by making the best soups ever and I’m getting some cooking tips from another friend which has helped all of this is to help the digestive system clean itself out, well I assure you its cleaning, a little to much for my liking.  What else is new? My weight is headed in the right direction, my last weigh in was at 102lbs and yesterday I weighed in at 107.8 so that’s positive, still have a way to go but I’m getting there. 

I had a very depressing couple weeks I guess it was mid January, pissed off a few people, people that mean a lot to me, hurt people that also meant a lot to me. Battled going back to the ‘old me’  which is a very guarded fully protected hard edged, excuse my language, but an absolute bitch, because it keeps me from getting hurt so it has been a battle a real real hard one.  It feels almost as if God and I have wrestled it back and forth with it.  If I close my eyes that’s exactly what I see.  Me and god wrestling.  I think I am too open.  My dear friend Lois, bless her heart was always so open as am I.  What I didn’t realise is that, that can come with a price and I would bet she paid that price many times as have I.  I have always been this way.  As my Toronto dad says, “if you ask a question be prepared for the answer” and I guess I’ve always been the same way.  Well I’m going to thicken my filters and choose what I say to who I say it too more carefully because I am not going thru another couple weeks like those, it was one thing after another and then fighting against the old me was almost impossible and it was too close of a fight.  And I can assure you, I really was not a nice person.  Well many of us weren’t before we knew christ.

So onto my good news, I had an MRI last week and the results yesterday and nothing has changed wwwwwoooooohhhhhhoooooooJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ

I hope you can see these cause they’re all happy faces.  My liver is still taking a bit of a beating and the enzymes are not bouncing back as quickly as they’d like so I’m going to see ANOTHER specialist, a liver specialist---never had one of them before.

Bless you, sorry for the long delay.  I can only blog now if I come in early or stay late at work so please understand if there’s a delay.

Here’s your song.  This would be my battle in my head song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhnvckYUFhg

 

And please continue to pray for me and for Alex’s move,

Thanks, Mel