So i'm having the same problem again with this blog. So if it all of a sudden goes all wonky i'm apologising in advance. I just sprayed, what I would consider a mid- size spider. I used about 1/3 of a can of Raid on it and then grab a handful of paper towel and had to grab it really quick, run to the bathroom, drop it in the toilet and pray that the toilet could flush all that paper towel because there was a lot. Well it all went. For those of you that don't already know, I suffer not only from itching but also from full on legit arachnophobia. I'm not joking, it is so bad that I will never live in a house NO desire to, I really dislike living on the bottom floor which really is the main reason why my balcony is completely screened in from top to bottom, staple gunned and all. The way I see it, I avoid their home they should avoid mine. Alex always took care of them, we are well into the cold season, they're time for coming in to get warm is well over now so if you didn't get in well i'm sorry about that. So for you all that's probably not very exciting but I am on a bit of a rant mode here. I have a couple things I need to get off my chest. Firstly, I got the results of my MRI yestserday and the awesome news is that the second tumor is gone, completely GONE!!!!! AMEN! My oncologist still thinks that it may not have been a tumor to start with and thinks it may still have been left over from my radiation and had he have been my oncologist at the time he would've ordered a couple more MRI's before making the 'chemo' call. Anyway woulda, coulda, shoulda sisters. Doesn't help me today does it? My horrific itching is not due to my anti seizure medication as my Vancouver Dad and I originally thought which was a logical assumption as it seemed to start around the same time give or take but infact is being caused by my liver problem. So what does all this mean? Well, it means this...when you see me please offer to scratch my back, an arm, my head or my hand and when I say yes please know that I am not kidding. So I have a question that I've been, not struggling with because that's too strong a word, I guess, conversing, getting to the meat, with God over. Why is it that we, generally speaking (I don't mean to imply this is everyone) encourage one another to "let 'it' out, tell God how upset you are, how angry you are, how you are so disappointed about how you feel, how you don't understand why, how you feel like He turned His back when you needed Him the most." But when it comes to ourselves we don't do that?! You know last night I was so angry and upset about the itching and that last night I truly did not care that i had cancer all I cared about was that I was told that this maybe a few months or maybe a year, the liver has to sort itself out at least to some degree before I am able to find relief. All I heard was "well great news about the second tumor eh?" and yes thats fantastic news of course its good news i'd be, pardon the word but i'd be an idiot to not see that but it doesn't change the itching and that at this point in this moment is way worse than having cancer that, and really let's be truthful, it really hasn't impeded my life much. God really has truly blessed me. What really I guess stunned me was that when the rubber hits the road I didn't know who to call. In my mind I actually thought of who I could call that wouldn't judge me, that would allow me to just get it out and who would validate how I felt and up until that point I hadn't felt that. Fortunately, I am the one that will call and say, "I need to vent and please just tell me that you understand and feel the exact same way and I have every right to feel how I feel and that I'm not losing my mind. Can you just tell me that?" And usually I get, from this person " You know Mel, you make it so easy to be your friend, I love knowing in advance what you need from me?" Don't get me wrong, there are also times when I need direction and guidance but I am human and sometimes need a good old fashion rant.
So I have an Intro to a NewSong song called Rescue but I cannot find this intro on YouTube but in the intro from ITunes, the singer and his wife are on a music boat cruise and they find out that she has severe invasive cancer and he started to speak to God and he says how mad at God he was and he said to God "God I hope you know that if she dies from this I will never talk to you again, I will never talk to you again because she's the most precious thing to me on the face of this earth."... then Jesus and he were sitting on a park bench and he said to Jesus, "I'm serious if she dies from this I'll never speak to you again." He smiled at me like I'm smiling at you and He said,"yes you will you just don't understand what's going on. You forgot Russ that Mary's life is hidden in me, and there's nothing that can get to her that doesn't have to pass through Me first, not even cancer. I'm gonna use this for my glory but I need you to trust me." I said, "Well I don't know if I can do that, tell me she's going to be alright." He said,"I don't owe you that, I don't owe you that, I just need you to trust Me cause I'm never going to change I've got this." His wife is now cancer free. NewSong says if you can't trace His hand trust His heart. I told you this because A. I needed to rant and B. As a reminder to everyone myself included that sometimes we need a reminder that God created us and knew we'd have our hissy fits every so often. If he's o.k with it then why aren't we? (again not meant as a blanket statemnet) There is no spell check due to HTML typing so I will do doing it so lets all remember i'm super itchy therefore distracted and may miss a couple here and there...give me a little grace. I am going to try to link a song but if it doesnt work please pray that my itchiness leaves soon and for my daughter as she digs in as winter hits where she lives. Thanks for all your prayers they do not go unanswered.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMVJUGbqUKY
Thursday, 21 November 2013
Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Somwhow its Beautiful Beautiful....but i totally don't see how???
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xLRWc5c8SRQ
OK so the last few days have not been to exciting which in fact has been good. I gave blood on Friday and i remembered they told me to drink a lot of fluids so that I would have good veins, thankfully I did and i asked her to look and see if there were a couple more good ones as i had my MRI coming up 3 days later. She didn't foresee any problem so you imagine how much fluid I started to really pound back just to make sure i had enough in my veins. Up until then i was still tearing at me skin and breaking it some parts. I remember there was one Sunday at church, well there many Sundays at church, every week has a Sunday at church, OK moving right along, I had 2 people pray for my itching and as soon as they were done after I thanked them both for praying for me I turned to Naomi and said "OK, Naomi can you please scratch, harder, oh much harder than that...OK that's great thanks" Truth be told I couldve sat there ALL DAY. This next story is rated R.XXXXXXXX I am hypersensitive to ,put it mildly, along the inner sides on both my left and right thighs and down from my under arms to my hip bone areas so to be pulled there in any way is agonizingly painful for me. Well about 3 weeks ago i guess, I must've done something in the night that set the nerve endings into chaos because when i woke up i could (enter into descriptive mode) feel as it felt like someone had literally taken a machete and sliced right through my inner right thigh. and left a gaping bruised wound. i cannot begin to explain my pain, if felt as if the itch that was already torturous(sp) had just been taken to a whole new level. after that, which i still feel i have knocked my knuckle ever so gently into my left hip which has sent me down to the ground in tears. and yet today here I am groaning to God, asking him to make it stop. But I just think in someway he's using this because to not think that only means that all this pain is for nothing and thats just something i do not believe and feel sadness for those that do. So here's my song, I hope it works...theres been an error on page icon at the bottom watching me the entire me time, kinda creepy actually.
I'm going to also try to post a couple pics. Alex and I together, and what Alex made me for my birthday. Wood that she went digging for, sanded down,drilled the holes on the 3 upright and put tealight candles in (i love tealights) and the long piece,I'm told, she was on a mission to find that one. Choco put the circles in that one as it was a thin piece and didnt want it flying and possibly hurting Alex but she did all the staining. best gift ever. So again Im going to try to update but I'll so try to save this and we'll see what happens. thank you all for your continued prayers.
Results for MRI on Wednesday.
expecting to be told that i'm still off chemo yayayayay
OK so the last few days have not been to exciting which in fact has been good. I gave blood on Friday and i remembered they told me to drink a lot of fluids so that I would have good veins, thankfully I did and i asked her to look and see if there were a couple more good ones as i had my MRI coming up 3 days later. She didn't foresee any problem so you imagine how much fluid I started to really pound back just to make sure i had enough in my veins. Up until then i was still tearing at me skin and breaking it some parts. I remember there was one Sunday at church, well there many Sundays at church, every week has a Sunday at church, OK moving right along, I had 2 people pray for my itching and as soon as they were done after I thanked them both for praying for me I turned to Naomi and said "OK, Naomi can you please scratch, harder, oh much harder than that...OK that's great thanks" Truth be told I couldve sat there ALL DAY. This next story is rated R.XXXXXXXX I am hypersensitive to ,put it mildly, along the inner sides on both my left and right thighs and down from my under arms to my hip bone areas so to be pulled there in any way is agonizingly painful for me. Well about 3 weeks ago i guess, I must've done something in the night that set the nerve endings into chaos because when i woke up i could (enter into descriptive mode) feel as it felt like someone had literally taken a machete and sliced right through my inner right thigh. and left a gaping bruised wound. i cannot begin to explain my pain, if felt as if the itch that was already torturous(sp) had just been taken to a whole new level. after that, which i still feel i have knocked my knuckle ever so gently into my left hip which has sent me down to the ground in tears. and yet today here I am groaning to God, asking him to make it stop. But I just think in someway he's using this because to not think that only means that all this pain is for nothing and thats just something i do not believe and feel sadness for those that do. So here's my song, I hope it works...theres been an error on page icon at the bottom watching me the entire me time, kinda creepy actually.
I'm going to also try to post a couple pics. Alex and I together, and what Alex made me for my birthday. Wood that she went digging for, sanded down,drilled the holes on the 3 upright and put tealight candles in (i love tealights) and the long piece,I'm told, she was on a mission to find that one. Choco put the circles in that one as it was a thin piece and didnt want it flying and possibly hurting Alex but she did all the staining. best gift ever. So again Im going to try to update but I'll so try to save this and we'll see what happens. thank you all for your continued prayers.
Results for MRI on Wednesday.
expecting to be told that i'm still off chemo yayayayay
Monday, 18 November 2013
Let's try again...
Why won't it let me type in anything other than HTML mode? Very weird, well I'll keep checking to make sure it is reading ok, but this is very odd. Unfortuanetly typing in HTML mode doesn't allow me to change the font size so for those of you..Woe what is happening now?????? It just suddenly switched over to compose mode and now its typing regularly. This is really weird. Anyways, before I was so rudely interrupted for the second time now,(1st was yesterday) I have continued to tear at my skin as it is still extremely itchy to the point of me wanting to be hospitalised before i stark raving mad. It's going to get a little graphic here, a lot graphic actually probably rated R, my inner thigh on my right leg feels like someone has taken a machete and sliced me down the inside and has left a huge gaping wound that has a massive bruise in it. However if you look at it there is absolutely nothing there, no bruise, no redness, nothing. But I can assure you it is there, a pain that is excrutiating to the touch. Yesterday i accidentially bumped my knuckle against me left hip and bent down because felt like I had nailed my hip on the corner of the counter. Oh my gosh. This side effect is the worse by far than anything I have experienced, by far...this coming Sunday I will stop my old medication, the changeover will be done YAY!!!!! I figure you have to allow a few weeks to flush it out of my system which will put me around Christmas so I'm hoping God willing of course that I will have hair and an itch free Christmas.
Oh and here's a laugh...I am doing a book study on the book of Job (pronounced Jobe)from the Bible for each Sunday in November. For my friends that don't know who Job is, he's a man that had it really rough thousands of years ago and had to endure horrible hardships and harsh pain and he was plagued with boils and intense itching to the point of scratching his skin off. Well when the course started we got to the point of itching the skin off just as I was going at my ankle and in my head i was chuckling to myself thinking "I hear you on that one buddy." I think that's the only time I've ever felt like I could actually relate to someone in the Bible. The thing that I found very interesting is the timing of the study and where I am and what i've been going through health wise and the fact that the book of Job is my favourite book in the Bible. Anyway I just found God's timing to be, as always, bang on.
So, Monday I am having my MRI, I am expecting it to be clear I haven't had any excitement in ages so i will be expecting a chemo free Christmas. This is getting easier and easier as each MRI passes:):) The results will come in on the 20th fortunately I only have to wait 2 days. They are going to give me Ativan so my nerves are numb because as I'm sure most of you know when you're in an MRI you cant move and I cant be pulled out to itch and because it's a nerve itch I can't focus on anything to sidetrack my mind because it doesn't go away. I had an awesome tim in October with Alex being down and then I got to see her quickly Nov.9 as she passed through on the way to her friends wedding.
We have been emailing daily which has been awesome. She has grown into such an awesome young woman.
Please pray that the Ativan works and that the MRI goes fine, thanks guys.
Mel
the pics are from our family photo day that was this past Oct. and the other is the gift Alex made me for my Birthday. The wood is from her new home that she had to go digging for and drill holes in and then she put tea light candles in. I love tea lights. It was by far my favourite gift. Bless her heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etW7fS7K8ro
Oh and here's a laugh...I am doing a book study on the book of Job (pronounced Jobe)from the Bible for each Sunday in November. For my friends that don't know who Job is, he's a man that had it really rough thousands of years ago and had to endure horrible hardships and harsh pain and he was plagued with boils and intense itching to the point of scratching his skin off. Well when the course started we got to the point of itching the skin off just as I was going at my ankle and in my head i was chuckling to myself thinking "I hear you on that one buddy." I think that's the only time I've ever felt like I could actually relate to someone in the Bible. The thing that I found very interesting is the timing of the study and where I am and what i've been going through health wise and the fact that the book of Job is my favourite book in the Bible. Anyway I just found God's timing to be, as always, bang on.
So, Monday I am having my MRI, I am expecting it to be clear I haven't had any excitement in ages so i will be expecting a chemo free Christmas. This is getting easier and easier as each MRI passes:):) The results will come in on the 20th fortunately I only have to wait 2 days. They are going to give me Ativan so my nerves are numb because as I'm sure most of you know when you're in an MRI you cant move and I cant be pulled out to itch and because it's a nerve itch I can't focus on anything to sidetrack my mind because it doesn't go away. I had an awesome tim in October with Alex being down and then I got to see her quickly Nov.9 as she passed through on the way to her friends wedding.
We have been emailing daily which has been awesome. She has grown into such an awesome young woman.
Please pray that the Ativan works and that the MRI goes fine, thanks guys.
Mel
the pics are from our family photo day that was this past Oct. and the other is the gift Alex made me for my Birthday. The wood is from her new home that she had to go digging for and drill holes in and then she put tea light candles in. I love tea lights. It was by far my favourite gift. Bless her heart. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=etW7fS7K8ro
Wednesday, 13 November 2013
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