You can have me....

I’ve been feeling pretty crappy this week as I start my seizure medication switch over.  It basically looks like this.  This past week I’m starting my new meds ‘Keppra’ as well as my regular doses of Carbamzapine and Lamotrigine.  So my body is taking a beating, next week I am full doses of Keppra and slowly over the next three weeks I will wean off the Carbamazapine.  The good thing is that I will slowly start to feel better; I’ve been told that it can take a few months until the liver sorts itself out.  Monday was a really crappy day.  But it’s no longer Monday and I’m still hereJ

My mum told me something on Monday that really put things into perspective for me.  Her pastor said that “we all have suffering, we just suffer differently.”  How true, I just happen to suffer from the effects of all the drugs I’m on.

I’m hoping to see my little ‘bush girl’ soon.  She will be with us for Thanksgiving and my birthday (Oct. 25) so I’m really excited to see her.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdgg7XmTWls

And finally.........Great news.......Amen

Well let’s just get right to the great news.  My liver function sucks BUT there has been no change in my tumour.  I’ve been told by my friends to dance it up now.  Well; I can’t dance or I’ll throw up and secondly no one wants to see me dance, especially not me.  So to get my toxic liver in order which will also stop the nausea. Dr.T is switching in and out one of my anti-seizure meds over a three week period I believe.  So that’s the short and skinny of it.  I am continuing to drop weight which I’m not enjoying so if you guys can please pray that I feel better soon so I can eat and drink normally again?  So I am chemo free for at least 3 months with blood work done regularly to ensure that my liver enzymes drop to the acceptable level. 
So excited...NO CHEMO...in my head I'm doing the happy dance.

Thanks for all your prayers.  My girl is still thriving in the bush.  LOL

Bless you all, always

MeJ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_9iog0hIVnA

Ouch, ouch, ouch and a final ouch

I went yesterday for my blood work and my MRI.  Well the blood work went fine; the blood freely flowed (?) from my veins.  However, when it came time for the MRI I was doing so good, I prayed and I could see an angel hovering over me which brought me great comfort in that small tube.  All the while I’m thinking “I wonder if a spider ever crawled in here when someone was in here” Re-focus on the angel.  Before I knew it it was time to get pulled out and get the dye injection for tracing the cancer.  Well this is where it got really funky.  She asked if I was de-hydrated after looking over my arms, I said “ de-hydrated, that’s an understatement”  so she couldn’t get a good vein so she apologised and had to go in the same spot they went into for blood….that was only the beginning.  It didn’t work so she says “well we are going to go into the back of your hand”  I don’t know if you’ve ever had a needle there but it is the most painful place I’m sure…still no vein…please understand that these were not just in and out needles, they were ‘the veins are recoiling so while the needles is in there lets hunt around and see if we can find one.’ That’s a lovely experience; having a needle in the back of your hand under your skin moving around.  It’s like going hunting but for veins…anyway long story short from there we went fishing on the wrist then discussed not getting the dye shot which would mean the image wouldn’t be as clear; I bravely said “nope not an option we need to find one, just make it quick.”  So we switched arms and found a wee one that couldn’t recoil quick enough so we got the little bugger. LOL.  My left hand was on ice most of the night and all the needle sites are sort today.   It’s done and now we have Wednesday to look forward too.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iY4-vF_YdSA

Some action going on....

On Monday I had the ultra-sound on my liver.  Awe man did it ever hurt, it’s like trying to bend a broken arm, can you imagine the pain.  I’m not even exaggerating, it did hurt like that. (I’ve never actually had someone try to bend anything broken before but I’m pretty sure that would really suck)  The tech kept apologising every time I ‘ooched & ouched’.  LOL, when I got changed into the fashionable hospital gown with open back for air-conditioning I was asked to come into the ultrasound room; it was like a spa, the lights were dimmed and there was spa music playing in the background,  I smiled and thought this is a pretty sweet deal.  I’ve never had an ultra-sound like that before and it was an older Asian man which I have also never had.  It’s always been women.  Anyways, I get the results on Wednesday, August 21 with the results of my MRI and blood work that I am having both today at approx.  3:00-4:00’ish. Then I will sit on pins and needles until I get the results while praying to God to give patience and a good report.  I keep thinking how awesome it’ll be if he comes back and says,” Your liver isn’t doing its job which is why you’re always nauseas but we can fix that.  Your tumour hasn’t changed so we will keep you off chemo and check again in 3 months.”  Can you tell I’ve put a lot of thought into this?  LOLJ  gotta hope, gotta have faith and keep plugging through.

I have seen Alex once since she moved to the interior.  I had a sleep over with her and it was awesome.  She slept on the couch at the bottom of my bed and we gabbed until we both fell asleep.  What a blessing it was.  So I won’t see her now until she comes in October and then I get her for the month.  She loves her life and loves the nature and all that comes with it.  (I think that’s nuts, personally)  God clearly created her to live in nature because she thrives and is full of joy and even the anticipation of the winter is exciting to her.  I think my girl has found a new home.  Humph even as I type that my eyes are welling up.  I’m just so happy for her and to hear the joy in her voice when she tells me about their 6 dogs and swimming in the lake and finding a ‘cave’ of clear glacial water and then to tell me that she’s mudding and building things with her boyfriend blows my mind. 

I was standing in my kitchen yesterday making perogies and fried onions when this song came on and I couldn’t help but close my eyes and just be in the Spirit.  It was such an awesome time with the Holy Spirit, my leg was bouncing around and my hands went up and I was just overcome.  It was one of the most incredible things that I have ever encountered.  The perogies boiled over and the onions burned a bit but…..whateverJJ

 

I hope this song rocks you with the Spirit like it did me.

I am completely undone.

Bless you all and thank you for your continued prayers.

 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bj-kY-Z_ZPs

Retraction

Well along with all my questions yesterday was one that I made an error on.  Apparently everyone (except me) knows that the only time heavan will come to earth is in the end times.  Ooops sorry 'bout that.
Interesting though the amount of emails I have recieved from people who have the same questions.  It made me feel better about putting it all out there.
Mel:)

"I don't get it, am I supposed to get it?"

So, I am going on Monday for my ultra sound on my liver, it’s still sore when I touch it. I know, I know “stop touching it!” easier said then done.  I’m starting to get dizzy again at night and the nausea hasn’t gone away so I keep plugging along eating what I can when I can. A lot of fruit, cereal and others.  I am still finding drinking a challenge.  Water tastes like metal to me and I’ve tried all the juice drinks and for me they all taste like crap.  I’m back on water because I do know that is the best for me so I take little sips bit by bit.

In my Bible studies we have been talking a lot about being thankful and what it means to have grace and I started to think to myself after hearing women say how grateful they are that Jesus came and died for us and how His love is undeniably (paraphrasing) the most awesome thing that’s ever happened.

Now, I’m going to try to tread sensitively here…..whatever here’s MY problem.  I have no doubt God is who He says He is.  I too am grateful that God sent His son to die so that I may live.  What I don’t get is how come everyone seems to know what Heaven on earth feels like and not me, what is wrong with my mind that prevents me from fully grasping the magnitude of what God did for us?  How come I can’t understand His huge love?  It’s like people are seeing another side that I don’t see.

I don’t get it.

In saying all of that.  Please pray for me for my ultra sound on Monday @ 2:00pm and for Alex who is thriving in her knew environment.

I thought this song was an appropriate one for where I am at this very moment, and only this moment.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jVScvSBsm40

"OW don't touch that"!

So I received a phone call last night that my ultrasound for my liver will be on Monday August 12 @ 2:00p.m.  Well like many of you who put there tongues in cavities, hand on hot stove, or pick a scab; I kept poking around on the right said so much that I had a hard time getting to sleep.  Lesson learnt, don't poke if you don't know what you're poking at!!So I think I mentioned this before that I’ve had this pain for well over a year and I’ve had a couple of ultrasounds that show nothing more than “2 polyps, nothing to be concerned with”  I have my records from LGH so I’ve read the report myself.  Well hopefully I’ll get somewhere with my new Dr. who has ordered this new ultrasound.  I am also having more blood drawn on the 15^th.  You’d think they’d have enough on file by now.  My MRI on my brain is also on the 15^th. Hmmmm wonder what they’ll find this time. The results will come in on everything on the 21^st.  Lots to look forward to this month.

I’m trying very hard to stay in the moment and not think about August.  Not without God though…not possible.

Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray for my daughter and for patience for me.

Thanks guys.

MelJ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYhH-9i8ifw