My sleep is still whack! Some nights I’m lucky if I sleep and only wake every 2-3 hours other nights I’m lucky if I’m not up at 1:00a.m for the day. That is getting itself in line slowly but it is. But my spirits are high (I think). Don’t get me wrong I am doing my fair share of complaining but I think the high spirits are out weighing the complaining…my family and friends may disagree but I doubt it. I get pity and people don’t always want to say things that may upset you, it’s just a perk that comes with the disease.
It’s been just a few days since I last blogged but I thought it was much longer. I am having this problem with crawling skin. Sometimes my forearms feel like someone is rubbing sand paper on them and I have to remove whatever clothes are touching them because it is so painful. I refer to it as ‘skin crawling’. Well I think my legs got jealous and felt left out because they started to do it as well. Difference: they are way fiercer and have really affected the top of my feet and hurt, not just skin crawling hurt but they literally hurt my right one especially and in the joint it aches. It’s not a constant pain; it comes and goes like most aches and pains. I’ve considered just cutting the leg off at the knee but I thought that may be a little extreme. But… I am in the market for a new brain if you happen to come across one.
I am still not feeling 100%. I don’t think I’ve thrown up in the last few days. My tummy has been uneasy though so I am staying on the Dexamethasone longer and am definitely not doing chemo on the 30th. I continue to push myself to eat every meal time even if it’s just a yogurt. It’s hard but I have to keep my strength up and start getting my weight back. So overall I do feel like I am on the upswing of all of this horribleness. I just keep praying for healing and patience through this pain both physical and mental.
I don’t feel like I am on the same page as God which is probably the hardest part for me right now. I don’t think it’s as easy a thing to fix by just picking up the Bible and reading. Please don’t tell me that He is right beside me, I know that. It is I who feel the distance by walking on my own. I don’t know how I end up in this place.
So there’s my new prayer request. This blog is called ‘God, Cancer and I’ so please pray for the God and I part of that title.
Even in times of feeling lost the following song rings truth.
Bless you all and thank you for all your prayers and support. I am truly blessed to have such awesome people in my life and I am thankful every day for you.
Mel
Praying for you Mel. You are an inspiration.
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