Ole'

I went to a Kim Walker Smith concert on Sunday night with a few friends of mine.  It was amazing.  She didn’t sing too many songs but at the end she revealed that she was expecting a baby and should in fact be on bed rest.  She sang two really amazing songs.  ‘Healing Oil’ and ‘Miracle Maker’.  I had hands laid on me while she sang Healing Oil and it was amazing, one minute I was smiling with tears falling (I’m laughing because I was going to use the word cascading LOL) down my face then just feeling at peace.  Obviously I have since downloaded her CD on I tunes and I'm listening to it right now and strongly suggest you all do the same.  The album is called ‘Still Believe’.  (Kim Walker Smith plug)  It’s well worth the money.  Please give these songs what they fully deserve, your full attention. God used these to move me and remind me that He is the overseer of my life and protector of my soul. Turn up the volume, open your arms, close your eyes and let God do the rest.  Enjoy the peace.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_CQi0pXOPI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpVD_QQGSzU

So I took my chemo on Monday March 18 as usual.  I wasn’t feeling as confident as I had in other rounds because of all the dizziness I had the week before.  Well, I didn’t throw up so Amen for that.  I was so very thankful because if there’s one thing I cannot stand it’s that, I can handle almost anything else but that…no way.

I’m looking back at my calendar and I can’t see the day that it happened but I had two partial seizures this past week one at the beginning of the week and one this past Thursday.  By partial I mean I didn’t lose consciousness.  “Oh seizure, oh seizure how do I describe thee?”  Ok, let’s give it a try…imagine a bull (the animal not the drink); imagine seeing their front leg doing its kick thing before it’s about to speed off towards the matador  (I believe I have used the horse analogy before, so whatever works)  Now take that picture and let’s add some feeling to it. Sometimes when you’re on your iPhone and your texting away and you don’t realize that the sidewalk ends and the curb drops to the street. Ooops goes your foot off the curb onto the road and as you grab your knee to make sure it didn’t bend backwards you struggle to maintain your balance.  Those are my partial seizures, well except the arms go too.  The unfortunate thing with mine is that I’m not a bull and I don’t actually get to hit anything, well, I guess as I fall to the ground technically I’m hitting things. LOL.  I laugh, maybe I should move my hallway table because it seems like I keep taking it outJ I love how it’s so easy to laugh at yourself when you know how ridiculous you look, only in the comfort of my own home preferably just God and I. 

On Wednesday I saw my neurologist and I told him about my little seizure escapades and he asked if my medication levels were within the norm, of which they are.  So he added yet another pill to my already existing potent cocktail of drugs.  I have been having severe pain sporadically in the nerve endings where I had my surgery and my headaches, when I have them, are intolerable and the Advil are no longer working.  This is not every day but they’re fierce when they come on.  Anyway, this new pill should address the nerve pain, headaches and part of its ‘perk’ is that it has an anti-seizure component.  So I take 2 a day.  I have also spread out my seizure meds again.  I think I was taking my afternoon group and my evening group to close together so I’ve spread them out and it turns out that the seizure medication doesn’t keep me awake so taking it late is not a problem at all.

I think that’s it for now.  I see “MY” guy at BCCA on April 3 at 4:45p.m so I will have more then unless something happens in which case I’ll blog to you all.

Bless you all and thank you for your ongoing prayers.  Keep ‘em coming.

Mel

You're not going to believe this...

I re-read my previous blog posting and realized that I totally wrote again what I said below in my 'oh woeth me blog.'  Hilarious, I'm so glad I didn't post it.  What a loon I am. LOL.  I kid you not it's almost word for word, I even posted the link again.  Ok here's something new...

My lovely friend and daughter came and brought my Swiss Chalet and then sat down and we shared a meal together.  I, unfortunately wasn’t able to eat much and my head started to go funny so I think I’ll try posting this blog and then I will likely feed my cats and go to bed (8:00p.m)  I feel pretty crappy right now and can’t shake this constant nauseas feeling.  Please pray for me tonight my friends as I try to get a solid night’s sleep and that I wake up feeling fantastic.

Today in my Bible study we were to memorise a verse from Philippians.  Of course I can't remember it (middle aged mind.  Can't blame everything on cancer)  I just remember that we are not to complain about anything but be thankful for everything and with prayer and petition bring it before God.  I think i'm pretty close.  I could get up and look it up but its bed time and all I need to know is that God loves me and has a plan for my life regardless of my circumstance.  Thanks God.

Bless you all and thank you for your ongoing prayers…they are so felt and appreciated even when I don’t feel good, I know they work.

MeJ

Part two- sorry, completely forgot

I re-read my previous blog posting and realised that I didn’t mention my MRI, sorry, brain cancer I can’t be expected to remember everything.

The results are the same, stay on the chemo regiment that I am on.  It seems to be working.  YAY chemo LamostineJJ  So I will start round 6 (I think) on Monday the 18^th.

My regular radioncologist who knows a lot about me and my type of cancer is back from sabbatical and I called to see him and I’m with him on April 3 and they have requested all my imaging from LGH to be forwarded over to him for review.  He has been with me and worked alongside Dr. Klimo when I was his patient.  In fact, this is the awesome guy that got to call me in April 2007 to tell me that after my biopsy,  it was discovered that I did not have a ‘cytoma’, I had an oligodendroglioma.  Essentially I had the good kind of cancer.  Another shout out to my fellow oli’s out there.  It is an uncommon type of cancer that does not spread outside the brain.  More good news eh?  It’s never ending… so I understand that my link didn’t work, well I’m going to try it again because it’s a really cool song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=15p6reFrbjc

WHAM BAM LOOK OUT THERE SHE GOES!

I had a very rough weekend, I had a partial seizure, and I believe but thankfully avoided a full one like in December. I was with my mum and started to have double vision and then it started to get worse so she took me home and at this point I could not walk straight. My ability to gage where my feet were in relation to the ground was gone. You know when a horse gallops; now imagine how their hoofs move…that’s how I was walking. It sucked. We went upstairs, Alex was at work still, my mum pulled my bed out I think it was only about 4:00’ish. I tried to get off my bed to go to the washroom and I knew better than to try and walk (I didn’t want to visit emergency again)so I was on all fours as my mum tried to guide my hips so I’d crawl straight, well….guess what (of course) I took a hard right into my closet which thru me into a hard left into a little table that sits in my hallway that has lovely gifts that I was given on my trip to Toronto a couple years ago. Well I knocked them down, taking out the table and I guess something ugly and heavy hit my left hand because I now have a huge bruise on top of my hand and it is ugly. This little episode took me out of commission for the rest of Saturday. I woke up at 3:33 a.m. and tried to get up and felt even worse than the day before so I text my brother ‘Mike” that I go to church with to tell him that there’s no way I would be in any shape to go to church in the morning. I probably should’ve sucked it up and gone into the hospital but whatever...with the exception of the embarrassment I did exactly what they would’ve done, keep me in bed. So Sunday I was on full bed rest. I attempted to nurse a splitting headache but no such luck. Yesterday I felt better but my legs still had some weakness and my head felt as if it was coming out of a cloud but not the good God descriptive kind.

I want to end by telling you about a vision I had.

March 8^th I had a vision that I was looking at God as he had his arms spread and was leaning forward looking over a huge never-ending blueprint and there were little pins poking thru from the bottom of the page, but just little ones. The blueprint kind of glowed from the underside where ‘streets’ would be. I didn’t see any names of any kind just a lot of lines, some thicker than others. He was huge and had the puffiness like how I imagine grandfather hands to be and white wispy smoke around him like he was a big cloud only with shape and purpose. It felt very peaceful and I remember thinking “WOW, that’s God studying and looking over our lives, he’s huge.”

I wanted to end with that because it is just so awesome to be reminded that there is a power far greater then ourselves overseeing every finite detail of our lives, (the little pins). He’s watching the good the bad and even the ugly as we walk down what can sometimes feel like dark streets.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5eiyYk_zOL0

Life is good

I’ve given in. (Kind of contradicts the title doesn't it?)

That’s it; I am officially in need of help.  I’ve dropped the whole pride thing and I have reached out to people to help me out as I am so tired.  I have never done this before and find it necessary yet still difficult.  I don’t know why it’s so hard to ask your friends for help.  I guess it leaves you feeling vulnerable and I’m not going to lie, it makes me feel kind of weak.  It’s like I can’t take care of myself.

You know this cancer walk teaches you many things about yourself and others for that matter.  Let’s start with humility (I don’t think I need to remind you all of my ‘low rise jeans’ incident with the ambulance driver) LOL. 

I feel like today I am grateful and content.  I can’t explain it other than some days I feel really blessed to be me. Does that sound arrogant?  I totally don’t mean it to be.  You know that some days you’re just weirdly happy.  For no apparent reason, well obviously God blesses our lives with days like this I figure so we can better handle the bad days.  I just re-read this...as if I know why God does what he does...now thats arrogant Melanie. (I like to think you all know that I dont actually think I know why God does what he does, mind you if I did...)

I’m happy, I have cancer and I am happy. No seriously, I’m not being sarcastic, I know that’s very odd for me but I am being serious.

My friend died one year ago today.  She was a wonderful woman of strong character and a deep love for God.  I miss her kicking my butt and calling me on my crap.  The jobs up for grabs if anyone wants it.  Keep in mind that I am not easy to handle, not always this sweetJ

Anyways, I’m tired, but I should tell you all that I get the results for my MRI on Monday and I have no concerns what so ever.  This is the first MRI that I am going into where I feel no worries or anxiety.

On Saturday Alex and I are doing our spa day.  I am looking forward to having some time together; it’s been a while since we’ve done something ‘girly’ together.

Bless you all.

Please continue to pray for my friend that I mentioned in my last blog.  I played her the song today and she loved it and said it resonated with her spirit so that’s awesome.

Here’s my encouraging and very happy song. (This song makes me want to dance on my tip toes but I don’t know why)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8LQH6UDi15s

I'm so tired...i'm going to bed...

So I had my MRI today.  Nothing exciting I know.  I’m sure they used a pipe to inject the dye into my arm because it hurt so much and now I have a dark purple bruise.  It really hurt…what a baby I am.  Well the cool thing that happened was that the nurse injecting me said that she thought that all things considered I handled the needle very well so I said, it’s amazing what a quick prayer will do and she said yes it is.  Score one for God (plug)  So it took about 1.5 hours laying down in a really loud machine that shakes and I’m lying there thinking “I wonder if spiders ever crawl in here” and then I started to get tickley behind my neck as if something was there.  I quickly thought of something else, I think I started to count the sounds coming from the machine.

I had to give an afternoon of swimming up for this… well O.K. not an entire afternoon but time with my brother Mike which I don’t like missing at all.  So I will get the results on Monday; I am not at all worried because my body has always told me in the past when something had changed and if anything I am actually feeling better except for my energy.  I am finding the closer I get to the next round of chemo I am increasingly getting more and more exhausted.  Alex and I cook dinner every Sunday night and play our game but this Sunday I did too much and we ended up ordering Chinese instead, but we did play our game.  It’s not even like I’m tired, I am getting the energy sucked completely out of me and it's a sudden thing there's no lead up, its just BAM and then i have no energy.  I should’ve done laundry and have a shower on Sunday, neither of which I did.  I did my laundry begrudgedely yesterday but guess what…I still haven’t showered.  I have good genes and don’t smell.  That was probably too much information, oh well you know pretty much my whole life anyway so what’s a bit more?!

I guess when I go to Bible study tomorrow I’ll know for sure if I smell. LOL

Apparently ‘tickley’ is not a word in our language but it is in mine.

I’m really tired now and it’s 8:00p.m. so its time to take my meds and pull out my bedL Alex is out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zKLlb3Yc-Us

Enjoy Sheldon and Penny. The Big Bang Theory (plug)

Bless you all and thank you once again for your help and prayers.

It's like winning the lottery...

You know when people heard that I was given about a year to live, much like the lottery, I had friends I didn't know of, my time all of a sudden was important to people.
It's like the lottery in that there's so much hustle and bustle and people want to be your friend. Although they say that's not why we all know better.
So people tell me things like "I've wanted to do this for so long, but life just got so busy",or,"lets go for coffee and talk".
Really????!!!!!
For how many months have you known that I exist and now because I'm stamped 'expire in about 12 months' you want to hang out?!
I'm telling you guys, sad but true.
THEN, when you find out that in fact the prognosis was wrong, just like getting the wrong numbers on a lottery ticket, the coffee dates never happen, those wallflower friends disappear again.
You know I may step off the curb tomorrow and die..  What will you be thinking then?
It's not always the disease that gets you, it's not always the LOTTO 649, sometimes it's just a scratch ticket.
I can only speak for myself when I say, if you want to be friends, great, be my friend but not only if you think I've won the lottery.
Bless you and ill be praying for you as I ask you to pray for me.  I don't want to be a lottery friend either.
Love me

2:30 a.m Oh come on really ????!!!!!

I am SO tired. I’m napping in the afternoon; well slight exaggeration, lying down, taking it easy, listening to my music, generally chilling out and spending some time speaking with God.  I am assuming that the chemo is taking its toll on my body which would explain my lack of energy. Please don’t mistake this for complaining, it’s not, only an observation of yet another inconvenience and change to work around. 

I am still swimming with my other brother Mike twice a week so I’m pretty proud of myself, makes me feel good.  My lovely daughter has gotten used to pulling out my bed for me EVERY night because it just takes too much energy. 

I had my friends Mary-Louise and John come over the other night because out of nowhere I started to feel ill and then BAM! I got slammed with an overbearing amount of tiredness and Alex was writing her Food Safe exam so she wasn’t available; I could barely get off the couch.  Unbelievable.  So being such great friends ML (as I refer to her) whipped me up a couple of poached eggs, which is her special 'Mels on chemo food' while John ran the vacuum thru my place.  I offered $50 but they said they wanted $100 so I told them to “get outta here”. They did a great job but $100, come on.  JokingJ

Here’s the worse part of all this, I’m waking up at ridiculous times in the morning and then tossing and turning until I finally give in and get up and slowly take my time and get ready for work.  This morning was my record so far 2:30a.m.  It’s horrible.  I have a new respect for people with sleeping disorders.  It truly does suck. I could totally be rightfully complaining about something else I’m sure but there’s nothing else really going on; well if you count the fact that I’ve gone back to being dizzy every day after my evening seizure dose and sometimes my afternoon one and if I'm really lucky its the two combined or that I’m having hot and cold flashes minutes apart from each other then I guess some stuff is going on but really nothing worth complaining about. 

I just wanted to touch base with you all.

A friend of mine is quite ill with…..cancer… so the song I have attached is one that is not for me but one that God placed on my heart for her.

This woman is a dazzling precious treasure and a wonderful woman with an amazing positive outlook on life. Her love for God shines thru her daily regardless of circumstance.  I have much respect for her and I feel honored that she calls me friend.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JXpKOOer3GM

Please pray for my friend, I’m not disclosing her name but God knows who she is.

And please continue to pray for me.  Clearly its working as I’m feeling better than most with a couple minor hic-cups.

Bless you over and over,

MelJ