Friday, 1 February 2013

This will be hard to believe...


There has been so much drama going on I truly am having a hard time wondering where to even start. 

On January 16 I was told by a Dr.  that my second tumour had become so aggressive that they wouldn’t be able to control it and although the chemo was shrinking it, it was not enough.  He said they are very worried and I asked if I should be too? Which he answered “YES”.  What I really meant to ask was if I should be worried for my life.

The next day a social worker calls me and I asked her to ask the question that I meant to ask and get back to me…. (Just when I thought my life couldn’t get crazier) I received a phone call at work and after a song and dance I was told the Dr. said I have about a year or so before I die.

Great!!!! So I called my pastor, who I work for, started to cry and asked him to pray for me.  All I could think about was how God HAS to be in this because there’s no way I could tell my daughter and my family this shitty news.  Well of course I did and I broke so many hearts it broke mine time after time.  Each time I told someone what was going to happen my heart broke, whatever was left of it because I don’t think I could’ve given Alex worse news. 

Alex was amazing, we prayed together knowing that God hadn’t left us and although this was horrible, He was in this place and would get us through.  We decided as a family to journey this together and Alex and I would go with Jesus one step at a time and not think about the ‘lasts’; no point wasting time.  I was determined to make the best of every relationship, all those times I wanted to spend time with Alex when she was growing up but couldn’t cause I was working so much, I was going to do it now.

 But something was bugging me a little bit.  How did my second tumour get so bad so quick?  I felt fine, thought I looked fine, even seemed to get my dizziness under control…this was just weird.  Well the Dr.  is a professional and I am not so …I will just double check when I see another Dr. on the 29th of January.

During this time my Dad had been in touch with Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto.  They have a reputation to be one of the leading research and treatment facilities for cancer in Canada (especially my kind) So I wasn’t going to wait entirely for this next Dr.’s appt.  I was obviously expecting to hear the same thing; after all they are both specialists in the same field.  I mean who tells a patient they have an expiration date if they are not pretty sure??!! Apparently, this guy does.

I went back on the 29th to see the next Dr.  and when I asked him how it got so bad so fast?  He looked at me as if to say “what the hell are you talking about?”  So I relayed the news that I had been told and he said that he has no idea why I was told that because although my second tumour is more aggressive it is shrinking with the chemo and when that stops working there are other treatment options we will try.  Well I started firing questions because I was furious.  Don’t misread that; I was thrilled that I was going to live but livid that I had put my daughter, family and friends thru such emotional hell.  Apparently the first Dr. was a radiologist oncologist not a neuroncologist so he shouldn’t have been telling me anything without speaking with the neuroncologist who specializes in brain cancers and treatments.

 

So what to do when you have two different professional opinions on your life?  Well you continue praying and then you Fed Ex your images and your entire medical file to Toronto to Princess Margaret Hospital.  It just arrived todayJ

 

I can say with all truth that I didn’t stop praying the entire time when I first heard the news.  I felt God beside me the whole time, He was there when I told Alex and in our home praying with us every night.

So the bottom line is only God knows my expiration date like the rest of you and that feels so amazing.  I am not wasting time on petty things and the most important gift from God that I took away was to appreciate my family and friends more and see the little miracles that God gives me daily.

Thank you for your ongoing prayers and please pray for my chemo to continue to work, regardless of how much.

I am starting another round on Monday the 4th.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_jLXJqgYiU
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2 comments:

  1. Ginny Jaques1 February 2013 at 12:49

    Wow! I had not heard this whole story. What a roller coaster ride! I'm glad I didn't hear the first part until I could read the second part.

    I agree about the expiration date! I don't want to live one more day than the total of the ones He has planned for me. But I'm so glad there's a good chance we can keep you longer.

    Meanwhile, your testimony about your walk with God in this whole experience is so challenging and encouraging to us. God is using you in a great way, dear one. I pray God's continued peace and blessing to you even in this hard place.

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  2. pc/cc/D2 February 2013 at 05:26

    My Dearest Mel

    I have to say that it has been a true honour and a privilege to have known you for over 40 years. For that I offer my thanks to God for making it possible. I also have the gift of having even more time with you for which I also thank God. My heart goes out to all those parents whose child leaves for school and never comes home. My heart goes out to all those parents who, upon answering the door bell, are confronted with a couple of police who start the conversation with “We are terribly sorry but…………………….” By comparison, I have been extremely blessed.

    You have lived pretty much without luxuries for many years and yet you project happiness. You are on an extremely tight budget and yet you see your way to supporting needy kids overseas. By society’s standards, you are in the “needy person” category yourself and yet you display so much richness of life. Through all the “trials and tribulations” of bringing up a daughter on your own, you have not only always been able to maintain an adequate living standard for both of you, but you also helped a truly amazing daughter to burst into flower. Of course you have had help from various sources but, when it came down to nurturing your child, you did it on your own and what a young woman she became. Her support of you through these recent times is quite breath taking and I would guess rather unique.

    So Mel, regardless of your “difficult times” as a child at home (and you certainly had a few of those!), please be assured that you are a blessing as a daughter. I can remember many happy moments with you as a child as you danced around the room and generally entertained us however, I also remember the many conversations we have had over the past 25 or so years. Your childhood was fun but your adulthood was more meaningful. We have had so many conversations on a broad range of topics that , at least in my mind, you moved from “daughter” to “dear friend”. There is no doubt in my mind that there are many fathers out there who would love to have just such an open relationship with their daughter. My heartfelt thank you goes out to you for allowing our relationship to grow as I could not possibly have done it on my own! If I could pick another daughter, given all that I experienced with (and learned from) you ……………….. I would want another you!

    So there you have it Mel. I wanted to say all that so that you can really understand just how much I appreciate you being a part of my life………………… and there is more life ahead for us both!

    Take care buddy! You are constantly in my prayers and thoughts.

    Love ‘n’ Hugs.

    Dad.

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