Well I’m at home
really feeling the ‘want’ to blog. This
is not an easy feat for me as I’m doing it from home where I do not have
internet and my phone won’t let me blog???
I do however have a job that allows me a couple minutes here and there
to upload my blogJ
I have
had quite an eye opener of a week. You
know people complain about the medical professionals and I have ALWAYS defended
them as I have always had great care especially from the nurses and my
specialists….note the ‘had’. So here’s a
lay out of my week, last Monday I felt like myself again so I went to my job
which I had been missing dearly, and my back was getting sore and I was getting
lazy from all the laying around I was doing.
Anyway, no problem, I think I got a little wonky towards the end of the
day as per usual. Whatever, took my
pills went to bed another day done.
Tuesday, ahhhhh Tuesday how I laugh at thee. I was having my team meeting at Church( where
I work ) and my eye double vision that I know too well started and of course
it’s all downhill from there. My friend
and elder turns to me, as I’m trying to act as if nothing’s wrong and hide the
fact that my eyes are actually closed, she says to me “Melanie are you feeling
ok because you have just lost all the color in your face !” Crap, busted. I couldn’t say much because as quick as she
asked my body started to sway…not a good sign.
We started to pray (4) of us and my boss/pastor came and put his hand on
my shoulder while we prayed. I don’t
know if you’ve ever had someone lay a hand on you while praying??? It’s an awesome feeling. Well we were done, ending in me crying and
pretty much begging God to take this horrible feeling away. He didn’t but, what he did do was bring a
friend from my church and a very strong youth leader who was able to scoop me
up and put me in her car where she and our elder drove me off to the
hospital. It all goes downhill from here
so before I get into how pathetic and ill equipped some dr.’s are, I want to
give a shout out to our strong Hillside youth pastor, Trevor, my brother I love
you. (Plug) When I say ‘our’ I am
referring to Hillside as all this excitement
happens with that church family not my NSAC family.
So, please remember
that although I’m pretty sure the following events are accurate; they are as I
remember them.
So I hear some
nurses behind me say…”Oh … dr… is on call today.” Well if I could’ve jumped up
and down I would’ve because that was my specialist….thanks God, another high
five for team God.
He’s just meeting me
all the way here. If we keep this up,
I’ll be cancer free before I know it…..not to be….apparently I won’t be seeing
the specialist BUT the emerg. Dr. I guess went and spoke to him because when I
asked if I would be seeing dr…., he said no and then had the bloody nerve to
ask how my stress was!!!!!!!! Now if
you’re asking yourself “why is she getting all worked up?” well you need to
read the previous blog where my collapsing episodes were put down to ‘sub
conscious stress’ (load of rubbish) whatever, that’s the first moron I met and
I’d only been there for about 1 hour at this point, I’m referring to the emerg
dr. not my specialist. I’d like to add
in that at NO point of my wretched visit did anyone ask if I was on any
medication and if so, had any of the doses changed since I was last in there?
For all they knew I was on some bad drug trip that had been cut with
something….they had no bloody clue!!!!!
So I then get asked what I do and the usual blah blah blah questions so
I tell moron #1 that I work in a church, so he asks me (I’m starting to laugh
already) “were you in a heated argument when this happened?”, I kind of made
that noise you make when someone who has ‘no clue’ asks you a dumb, rhetorical
question. It’s like if someone asks you
if you love your child or partner, you just want to say,” seriously, are you
seriously asking me that?” and then that ‘phit’ noise follows immediately
afterwards. You may not want to admit that you know what I’m talking about
because it’s not a very kind thought but we’ve all thought and done it at some
point. I wouldn’t be surprised if Jesus
made a ‘phit’ sound while he was flipping the tables. I never question or adjust scripture, I mean
no disrespect, God knows, I’m just sayin!
Anyway, after my
obvious ‘phit’ I say “no as a matter of fact we were praying!!!” (Prayer plug) He leaves after
asking me and receiving my answer to what I thought was a dumb question. I was rolled into one of the bays (?) and we
are hanging around there for a while which is expected. Then my dreaded uggghhhh happens, “Mum I have
to pee.” So I’ve done the bed pan before and I really have my mind set that I’m
not doing that again. So we get what I
call the ‘Cabode’ I wiggle onto it with my mums help of course. As we pray that this works, God answers in no
time at all. Amen. So the nurse comes in to put my IV in for the
saline drip (I know this is standard hospital procedure, along with taking my
blood) well, mum and I pray intently that this needle goes in smoothly and with
no pain. Ok, let’s not be greedy, I’ll
take a little pain God. I think God was
really focused on someone else (joking) because it hurt like hell as she
wiggled the needle around because the vein kept running. Not in that arm, so as tears are streaming
down my face, she goes into my left arm and same thing only now she finds a
vein that is willing to cooperate. I am
in so much pain.And as I am writing this to you, as much as I want to finish this my eyes are going funny so it may not happen today…….a few hours have passed and I really want to finish this before I call it a day let’s see how we make out, my eyes have settled for now. So …..oh yeah the nurse, so she goes away and the really nice Iranian blood nurse came in, I’ve had her before and I like her, not what she does though (smiling) So she takes some blood no problem, thank you God (I guess he’s finished whatever it was that he was doing before, chuckle) As she’s leaving I said to her “you guys are checking my tegretol levels right?” that is my seizure medication which was too high the last time I visited the hospital which wasn’t all that long ago. She looked a bit confused and said she didn’t think so but would check what the Dr…..moron #2 had ordered. SURPRISE, nope it wasn’t but now it is on there. See it just goes to show you that you really have to be on top of everything if you’re ever in the position of needing healthcare. I should’ve learned this lesson a long time ago, well better late than never I suppose.
So after a while dr.
moron #2 walks in and says “so you’re tegretol level looks good so no need to
worry about that.” So of course I know
what my levels should be (20-50), so logically my question is “Ok, what’s the
number?” “63” said casually as he’s heading for the curtain entrance, I say a
little louder now, “63?? That’s high.
Last time I was admitted and it was 63.
How can you say that’s an ok #?”
“Oh well we’ve had people up near 100 before, 63 is nothing to be
alarmed about.” Looking back now, I
should’ve let him have it but clearly God was hard at work binding my tongue
and let me tell you I am sure that is no easy feat once I start going. Well, I muddled something or other as he
left. I don’t know within 1 hour later
he comes in again and as if I’m a 5 yr. old child claps his hands together and
says, “well you’re looking strong so you can go home whenever you’re ready”,
“what about my tegretol levels?” “That’s
normal and it’s not the cause of this.
We did the levels because you asked us too and besides it’s probably been
affected by your afternoon meds.” “Ok mum, let’s go clearly I’m ok” (no sarcasm
there or here) as we are leaving the nurse says to my mum “if you have any
trouble managing her at home just bring her back.” Awe come on morons. Your nurses know I shouldn’t be going
home.
In hindsight what
made me angrier than anything was that he released me on the comment that I
looked stronger. Not once did he ask me
to walk, he didn’t even ask if I could walk….I’m sorry but I did a better job
of managing myself, again I will refer to my dear friend Lois who always said
“self-care girl” I wonder if this is
what she meant. The story just gets
better and better; let’s just end it on 2 points. My specialist told me to decrease my seizure
meds by 1000mg which was comforting considering I’m only taking 1000mg,ummmmm
hello who’s file are you reading or are we just grasping at straws??
And lastly, I had a
great talk with my daughter Saturday night as she stayed home to hang out with
me while I nursed yet another night of feeling horrible I told her that it felt like no one had my
back, like all along thru this cancer walk more often than not I’ve made the
right call and I can feel what my body’s telling me and why don’t people believe
me, even dr.’s?! I just want to know, who's got my back?
“I’ve got your back
mum, I’ll believe you. And if I need to,
I’ll even go to those dr.’s and tell them “*@# ((*&*^ %$#^&*(*))&*….my
mum!!!!”It was not easy finding a song to give to you all so I prayed on it before I wrote this so I am going to stick with it. Actually after all of this, I need this song too.
God is good all the
time
Amen
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