So much pain

So I am doing fine well, the seizure meds are not changing, my oncologist was quite positive that changing them will not help the liver and it was the chemo that is still in me that has and is continuing to do the damage so once again it's just time. I'm eating way better than I was before and my weight is awesome I'm at about 112 lbs. Which is a major jump:):) I weighed myself at the Dr.'s the other day. I was so happy I almost did the little leprachaun (sp) jump but thought I might look odd. But wait that never stopped me before...anyway I didn't. I'm doing a trial boxing class next Thursday May 1st the day after Alex turns 20, 20 that's like HUGE!!!! I can't believe I have a daughter who's 20. Unbelievable. Where did all the years go? Ok, back to the boxing, so for a long time now I've whined and complained about needing to exercise but not finding anything I really like to do, I need a contact sport and when I did kickboxing it was great but then Elite closed that option closed as well so it's been 4 years and nothing. I tried swimming, made a half-donkey attempt at walking, ok well I thought about it but I am a contact sport person, I can't just swim in a pool or just walk or run there's absolutely nothing wrong with it at all. I just need to relieve my stress in a different way that's all. Like in a punching different kind of way. Noone (specialists) has a problem with it, no sparring but I'm not an idiot, actually, that was the best part of kickboxing but I know that's out of the question so it's just target and bag training and body conditioning. Spirit, body and mind. I'm feeling very positive about this direction that I am on, I don't feel like I'm off the path God has me on which is good because that is so easy to do. So overall things are going pretty good. Retreat is only a week away which means school registration is also just over a week away and my trial boxing class is less than a week away. And save the best til last my daughter's birthday is only days away. Mixed emotions there. “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus - a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.” (Mother Teresa) I'm ending my blog with this today because I have friends that are grieving with great pain right now and of course for those of you that I don't know but find yourselves in the same position. I'm not quite sure how I linked the song to the title as I've been mucking about with it for a couple days now but somehow the song is linked to the title so just click on it and the song will open up. It works because I've logged out and tried it. Thanks and please pray for my friends, and yours, that are just in a place of hurting right now and encourage them but lets not get all 'preachy' just encourage them. Be like a good waiter, let them know you're there when they need you but don't hover or keep interrupting by suggesting things to try on the menu. BAM how's that for a wicked cool analogy!!!! That even impressed me:):) Thank you fellow waiters and waitresses for letting us know you're there and for not hovering, God bless you all! Me

God SMASH!

"...there is not a square inch in the whole domain of our human existence over which Christ, who is Sovereign over all, does not cry: 'Mine!'" (Abraham Kuyper) FYI: funky typing still???? I saw the liver dude yesterday, the liver looks normal as in there's no abnormalities no lumps nothing living there that shouldn't be there, no one has taken up residence. I am happy about that because if there were then I've losing out on rent and that'd suck!!! So what does all this mean? Well hmmmmmmmm at this point he doesn't really see the point in doing a biopsy to which I quickly responded in agreement and he felt that the best place to start was with a conversation with my neurologist (seizure Dr.{good guy})to see if we can change the seizure cocktail I'm on without causing any seizures. Well, now that my life is normal let's go ahead and muck about with it. Sure why not it's been pretty mundane for a while it's about time we rattle things up a bit. I don't like my seizure meds being messed with and I have NO problem being vocal to any degree about that. If asked I will voice my opinion. He (liver dude) said there is going to be some high levels regardless because of all the crap I'm on and have been on. I guess the question is what level is acceptable. I have a liver blood test before then so I'm praying that everything drops before then and all of this will be irrelevant. Every time something changes it's another 3 months I have to wait until I can leave Canada and I feel like someone may very soon buy me an all inclusive trip of a lifetime (my dream trip, that I could never afford without the lotto 649)to The Maldive Islands. You know the ones that are out on top of the water with the clear bottoms, yup they actually do exist, the most beautiful beaches in the world are there. White sand absolute crystal clear water as far as the eye can see. Ahhhhhhhhhh that's my heaven right. You know I just looked up heaven in the dictionary and the definition says 'any place of complete bliss and delight and peace. That's what will be waiting for me up there with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I'll praising Him from the beaches of white sand and the crystal clear water. I just deleted a ton of text i don't know what I meant to type but it was nothing but garble, even I couln't figure it out. LOL OK so Alex moved into her place on Friday. She came over for tea and to get some things that she forgot on Friday. It was a bit odd for me. It's kind of weird knowing I have a daughter that essentially just lives like right over there. It just feels like I'm too young to have a daughter right over there, you know what I mean?! Or maybe not. She's loving her jobs. She works for Body Mods in Park Royal and at Delaney's coffee house (shop????) in the village. We talked about Body Mods a lot because 'back in my day'(ageing myself) I worked for many years for The ALDO Group and it was the best job I ever had, great company I was so loyal to a fault to ALDO. I worked like a dog and loved every minute of it. Why wouldn't I? If not for ALDO I wouldn't have been able to take care of Alex. ALDO was the company that brought us out here. I was very different then. I had an edge, I was guarded, I dressed really good and it felt as if I walked with purpose and confidence. Anyway, that's a whole other blog for a whole other day, before I got side tracked, Alex thinks she's found her ALDO. She's so happy with her job and they are so happy with her, I love seeing her like this. So, not everything can be about cancer and liver and all that rubbish, life goes on and good stuff happens and I have good stuff to tell you so are you ready.................................................................................................................... just making sure I have your attention, remember in 2012 I had to cancel my Abnormal Psychology course because they were starting radiation and it was just too hard for me to do? Well I've praying about starting again for a while and I've been praying that if God was down for that then the doors would just swing open and if not then they'd just slam in my face, hard! Well, open they did. My Toronto Dad agreed to pay with both of us understanding that I would give it my all and if I couldn't complete the course it wouldn't be through lack of trying. He's also offered an added incentive to reach higher grades. God didn't stop there, because I still have a bit of a credit on my account and I have the main textbook and the study guide the price is about 25% of what it would normally have been. Then to ice the cake, God steps it up even more:):) I called the Disability Services department to apply for an extension on the exam (it's an extra 1.5 hours which I need) and they required paperwork filled in for the first course I did in 2011, the lady I spoke to on Monday asks me if anything has changed and I said "nope" and she says "well then don't worry about refiling the paperwork we'll just use the one from 2011". Really, I'm not joking, it was that easy. So here's the plan (God laughing up there because this is my plan:) I'm going to review the notes I originally made between now and the women's retreat which I am going to the first weekend in May. I'm going to go away for that weekend and spend that weekend focusing on my relationship with God and getting that on the right path and re-aligned (you know what i mean) and then I'll start the course when I get back. Lastly, I want you to read this and then close your eyes and picture it. God's smokey hands in the shape of fists, not angry fists, but like power fists, imagine them smashing like the HULK onto the earth and imagine a huge ripple effect, a massive ripple effect. Like a big SWOOSH. I call it a God SMASH. Just say it out loud, it is so descriptive. Close your eyes and imagine the fists and say God SMASH and then imagine the ripple. It can be anything, dust, water, earth, anything can SMASH. I've prayed for my friends that are not believers and I (giggling to myself) asked that they'd feel a God SMASH so that they couldn't question that it was God, they would without doubt know it was Him. I've prayed that I would have a God SMASH encounter. Whatever works for you right?! For me it carries a lot of description and power, a different kind of power than I already know He has. I chose the song I did because of the God SMASH. Bless you all & a lot of my friends are having difficult times right now so if you can lift them up in prayer I would appreciate it. God knows who they are and what they need. And pray for my liver to sort itself out and of course for my Alex. Bless you all for your support and prayers. My friend Kristie, Alex and I saw Hillsong in concert probably in 2010 and it was the first and so far the only time Alex and I have been to a concert together we were jumping up and down just like the people in the attached video. This is what I would describe as a God SMASH! Praying the link works http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4OHAhhkCZs