http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6rb8KdgM1Q
Well, I.....don't know where to begin, so here's what I've been texting everyone because how I truly feel cannot be worded on any level. I think what is truly going on is between God and I. So here's the PG version of what's going on. I say PG because my heart is more R rated right now.
Well, I would've liked to have gone without that appt.
I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I've been taken out at the knees. I have to see my neurosurgeon to see if he thinks a biopsy should be done to determine if this is an offshoot of my pre existing tumour or if it's an astrocytoma which will really suck. So the chemo is just one really ridiculous pill once every 6 weeks. Of course there's side effects but my body has been pretty strong handling the rubbish they've been putting into me. Good thing God made me athletic all those years.
Anyway, I just really need to feel him in this, I have faith he is with me, I just want to feel him close to me. Please pray for me. I don't know how you can pray, my head is spinning with info so just pray in general.
After saying all that, Alex and I had a fantastic God led talk last night about everything that is going on and have decided a couple things. Firstly, the original tenant was named Tobias in 2007. This second one needed a name so considering all the facts we decided on calling it Spooner. It's kind of cuddled up close to the other one and we think of that as spooning. People get that and know what it means. So for now there are two tenants renting space in my head. I guess as long as they don't plan on having anymore roommates join them I'll deal with spooner as necessary.
Oh, on behalf of my girl, please don't tell her "it'll be OK" she knows that spiritually but physically no one knows about their lives or Gods plan for them so we can not say truthfully that it'll be fine. For those of you that know Alex you know she analyses and sees things on different levels to most young women her age. Just hug us and that's it. Thanks.
On September 20 I was praying and God told me that I can... "feel sad, angry, disappointed, I can even question him and confront him as to why he let this happen. I can do all of these things if I do them in Him." I then had a vision of Gods hands (kind of light and smokey and big puffy 'grandfather hands') He had them cradled and I was in the middle of them having a little temper tantrum. On the outside of His hands was just dark wasteland.
So I know he's OK with how I feel, I may not be yet but He is and that is whats important.
So bless you all for your continued prayers.
Mel
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Thursday, 27 September 2012
Sunday, 23 September 2012
Gods Angels
As I lay here in the hospital listening to my music; I see people come and go. The blessed man across from me will be going into palliative care shortly. His daughter has been in twice today to fluff his pillow, brush his cheek as he holds her hand to his heart. The lady beside me; 93 years old and is going into a care facility when she leaves here has had her daughter sit with her playing cribbage for the past two hours. I see this and I think how so many people in our lives are Gods own angels here to make our time here that much easier to bare.
It's just how we choose to see things. I'd much rather see an angel.
It's just how we choose to see things. I'd much rather see an angel.
A familiar place
So here we are in an old familiar place I call 'neuro'. You'll find this lovely place with a view on the 7th floor of Lions Gate Hospital.
I checked in last night after being out with Kristie for what was supposed to be a nice tea date, I started to get dizzy and then BAM!!!
I couldn't walk so we called my other friend to come and pick us up. Now picture this...I live on 19&Lonsdale, 15&Lonsdale is where Tim Hortons is, but I can't make it home so, my blessed friend mary louise who lives on 18& Lonsdale had to come with her car to pick me up. So they both get me in the car and we get to her house where I fully intend on putting my feet up and being waited on while my body settles back down...well my body and I are not on the same page...I become jello, my muscles just collapse I have no control and can bare no weight. Ok let's call 911 and ride to the hospital in style, an ambulance. And in handsome style too (the attendant) I probably would've appreciated that more if I could see straight.
So my friends, here I am Sunday morning, all dignity and self respect , what I had left from the last time I was in, is completely gone. Nothing like having a nurse shove a bed pan under you and telling you to hurry it along !!!! Too much pressure. Thanks to my girl for the 'pee prayer' and a great story of her night at work to distract me. And guess what happened???? I DID IT!!
so now I am spending another night here in neuro with the plan to jump the line and see the oncologist guys tomorrow. "if the mountain wont go to Melanie, then Melanie will go to the mountain"
I feel ok, nothing I haven't been through before so....I'll blog soon. I'll be doing lots of writing if the two friends in my head don't learn to get along.
God bless you
I checked in last night after being out with Kristie for what was supposed to be a nice tea date, I started to get dizzy and then BAM!!!
I couldn't walk so we called my other friend to come and pick us up. Now picture this...I live on 19&Lonsdale, 15&Lonsdale is where Tim Hortons is, but I can't make it home so, my blessed friend mary louise who lives on 18& Lonsdale had to come with her car to pick me up. So they both get me in the car and we get to her house where I fully intend on putting my feet up and being waited on while my body settles back down...well my body and I are not on the same page...I become jello, my muscles just collapse I have no control and can bare no weight. Ok let's call 911 and ride to the hospital in style, an ambulance. And in handsome style too (the attendant) I probably would've appreciated that more if I could see straight.
So my friends, here I am Sunday morning, all dignity and self respect , what I had left from the last time I was in, is completely gone. Nothing like having a nurse shove a bed pan under you and telling you to hurry it along !!!! Too much pressure. Thanks to my girl for the 'pee prayer' and a great story of her night at work to distract me. And guess what happened???? I DID IT!!
so now I am spending another night here in neuro with the plan to jump the line and see the oncologist guys tomorrow. "if the mountain wont go to Melanie, then Melanie will go to the mountain"
I feel ok, nothing I haven't been through before so....I'll blog soon. I'll be doing lots of writing if the two friends in my head don't learn to get along.
God bless you
Saturday, 22 September 2012
How could I forget????
I did end up doing my University course through Thompson Rivers University open learning (TRU-OL). It was great, it was the intro to psych. I finished each unit with great marks but struggled on the final but.........I passed and that's what matters:)
I started a second year abnormal psychology course which is the area I really want to get into. The course has been put on hold until i find out my treatment plan, and the effects it will have. That's kind of funny that I'm studying people's brains and mines all messed up too. See, you just never know right?!
That was what I had forgotten to mention.
I started a second year abnormal psychology course which is the area I really want to get into. The course has been put on hold until i find out my treatment plan, and the effects it will have. That's kind of funny that I'm studying people's brains and mines all messed up too. See, you just never know right?!
That was what I had forgotten to mention.
Friday, 21 September 2012
Anyone out there anymore???
Hello:)
Well it's been just over a year. Let's make a year happen in a couple sentences. My awesome daughter went a mission trip to Rwanda. She loved it, the children were great and the leaders there were spectacular. Oh and she became part of the bill paying working class. Graduated high school and while taking a year off she's working. YAY.
So the reason I'm here is because we have had another visitor move in. Haven't named him yet but Alex and I will come up with something weird and wild I'm sure.
It is a faster growing kind then my Oli but not a 'cytoma' which are really bad. So none the less they are putting me back on chemo. God and I have done a lot of work this past year and these past couple days so we have a plan so no need to worry.
It's going to be fine. I figure the chemo will also hit the original tumour do its like I got a 2 for 1 deal. And you can ask my daughter, I'm always looking for a bargain. Well that's about it for today I think. I'll keep in touch and let you know as things change.
Bless you all
Mel
Well it's been just over a year. Let's make a year happen in a couple sentences. My awesome daughter went a mission trip to Rwanda. She loved it, the children were great and the leaders there were spectacular. Oh and she became part of the bill paying working class. Graduated high school and while taking a year off she's working. YAY.
So the reason I'm here is because we have had another visitor move in. Haven't named him yet but Alex and I will come up with something weird and wild I'm sure.
It is a faster growing kind then my Oli but not a 'cytoma' which are really bad. So none the less they are putting me back on chemo. God and I have done a lot of work this past year and these past couple days so we have a plan so no need to worry.
It's going to be fine. I figure the chemo will also hit the original tumour do its like I got a 2 for 1 deal. And you can ask my daughter, I'm always looking for a bargain. Well that's about it for today I think. I'll keep in touch and let you know as things change.
Bless you all
Mel
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