So, it's been a while since I've been here. I had decided to take 2 weeks vacation from work while I was on my last stretch of my treatment. I finished my radiation on Wednesday August 24, 2011. WOOHOO done!!!!!!!
I can tell you that I was totally lifted up in prayer because I had minimal if any side effects while I was on it. I didn't have any seizures, my headaches increased only minimally. I have a sore scalp from the burns and I lost all my hair but I'm totally rockin' a head scarf. (I have one to match EVERYTHING in my closet), no need to look icky just because I'm on radiation. I decided to embrace it and look classy not sickly.
I am back at work today which is why I am able to write to all of you. I missed my job and feel like my life has some form of normalcy to it again. I like my routine.
I feel slowly slowly that I am gaining some confidence back. I am just becoming more like the woman I want to be not like the woman, I feel, this cancer has made me into.
It's funny because my friends and family think I'm just as confident as I was back before I was diagnosed, but "oh no" I'm so not that same person.
The song I chose is Never Alone by The Barlow Girls because often when we are in the drudges of life we feel that God is not there and that He has left us because we cannot see Him, feel Him or even hear Him. I have learned thru my radiation that although at times it felt like that.....I can't get rid of Him. I invited Him into my life and there's 'no-go-backsies'
The amount of times I laid there bolted to the table not being able to move, even if there was a fire...I giggled a bit because I thought, man if I sneeze that would be gross cause my head couldn't move at all. NOT even a little bit.
Anyways, as I was saying, I would lay there and would just be praying over and over. God and I had a few really good conversations during that 15-20 minutes of my day. At first I figured I'd memorize the names of the 12 disciples but that only took a couple sessions. (I've forgotten most of them now I think :) )Some days I heard Gods voice comforting me and others I just felt I needed to focus on Him and not focus on hearing or speaking, just 'Be still and know that He is God'
The mask that had been made for my head is now sitting at home waiting until my awesome girl decides what to do with it. She is going to do some art on it/with it.
In two months if I have any adverse side effects then I will go back to see my oncologist. (not expecting too) In about 4 or so months I will go and have an MRI and he is confident that the radiation got everything so I'll just have a dead tumour in my head...& some brains too :)
So please pray for that, oh and that when my hair grows back it comes in curly. I'd like just a little perk from all this. Ive never had curly hair and would LOVE it. What a good life I have when I can pray asking for curly hair.
I realized a lot about myself , friends and family thru-out all this so thank you for ALL your support.
I'll update when schools go back, a summer re cap, because many other wicked cool things happened but too much info for one blog, it deserves its own entry:)
Bless you all.
Melanie
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