"Here I am, meet me"

These are the words greeting me this morning on my nice clean white sheet of paper that I've been away from for 2 weeks. (CLICK ON TITLE FOR SONG)
So, it's been a while since I've been here.  I had decided to take 2 weeks vacation from work while I was on my last stretch of my treatment.  I finished my radiation on Wednesday August 24, 2011.  WOOHOO done!!!!!!!
I can tell you that I was totally lifted up in prayer because I had minimal if any side effects while I was on it.  I didn't have any seizures, my headaches increased only minimally.  I have a sore scalp from the burns and I lost all my hair but I'm totally rockin' a head scarf.   (I have one to match EVERYTHING in my closet), no need to look icky just because I'm on radiation.  I decided to embrace it and look classy not sickly.
I am back at work today which is why I am able to write to all of you.  I missed my job and feel like my life has some form of normalcy to it again.  I like my routine. 
I feel slowly slowly that I am gaining some confidence back.  I am just becoming more like the woman I want to be not like the woman, I feel, this cancer has made me into.
It's funny because my friends and family think I'm just as confident as I was back before I was diagnosed, but "oh no" I'm so not that same person.

The song I chose is Never Alone by The Barlow Girls because often when we are in the drudges of life we feel that God is not there and that He has left us because we cannot see Him, feel Him or even hear Him.  I have learned thru my radiation that although at times it felt like that.....I can't get rid of Him.  I invited Him into my life and there's 'no-go-backsies'
The amount of times I laid there bolted to the table not being able to move, even if there was a fire...I giggled a bit because I thought, man if I sneeze that would be gross cause my head couldn't move at all. NOT even a little bit.
Anyways, as I was saying, I would lay there and would just be praying over and over.  God and I had a few really good conversations during that 15-20 minutes of my day.  At first I figured I'd memorize the names of the 12 disciples but that only took a couple sessions. (I've forgotten most of them now I think :) )
Some days I heard Gods voice comforting me and others I just felt I needed to focus on Him and not focus on hearing or speaking, just 'Be still and know that He is God'

The mask that had been made for my head is now sitting at home waiting until my awesome girl decides what to do with it.  She is going to do some art on it/with it.
In two months if I have any adverse side effects then I will go back to see my oncologist. (not expecting too)  In about 4 or so months I will go and have an MRI and he is confident that the radiation got everything so I'll just have a dead tumour in my head...& some brains too :)
So please pray for that, oh and that when my hair grows back it comes in curly.  I'd like just a little perk from all this.  Ive never had curly hair and would LOVE it.  What a good life I have when I can pray asking for curly hair.
I realized a lot about myself , friends and family thru-out all this so thank you for ALL your support.

I'll update when schools go back, a summer re cap, because many other wicked cool things happened but too much info for one blog, it deserves its own entry:)
Bless you all.
Melanie

Raise your eyes, here I am

Click the title and rock out with God!

These are the words that greet me on my blank page this morning as I get into another week of work.  I was off yesterday because I had a neurologist appointment, nothing new there.  My head is completely shaven now.  It started to fall out on Thursday of last week and it creeped me out a bit so I took a razor and off it came. 
Apparently I still have the loss of my right eyebrow to look forward to.  I hope it doesn't fall out.  I can wrap my scarf around my head but .....well I'll where a band aid if it comes out.  I'm sure they don't take long to grow back in. 
I'm feeling good these days.  My head is in a good place, my job is awesome and Alex and I are getting along spectacularly.  Really, asides from getting radiation for brain cancer I have a great life.  My friends are in Tijuana right now building houses for single mums.  I can't wait until I can get back out there and do some more missions work.............so excited about that.  I've been slowly saving money to fund my trips.  I don't know exactly where I'll go, I'll leave that to God.  Alex and I figure we'll meet up in Africa somewhere :)
Well, I was just wanting to let you all know that life is great, God is wicked cool and I only have 2 more weeks of radiation.

Blessings to you all.
Big Hugs,
Mel.

Be true to yourself

Click on title for the song and enjoy.

'Be true to yourself', these are the words that greeted me this morning as I came to work and got ready to start a very productive day.
This is a big month! This is the month I finish my radiation.  Probably around August 23,24 or 25th.  Not entirely sure yet but somewhere in there.
So, I am feeling pretty good these days.  Yesterday I had some very productive time praying and listening to God.  I have realised many things and one of them is that I am not to spend money foolishly in this world, I am to keep my money for what I had originally saved it for which was my next missions trip.
The opportunity came up this weekend to get a Murphy bed (one that drops out of a fake unit on a wall).  I thought then Alex would have my sofa bed and she'd have a hang out area in her bedroom but, I prayed about it and really felt God saying not to buy it because there are more important things to be putting my money towards.  There is  still a missions trip to Africa I would like to someday make and that will cost a pretty penny.
So I am going into Alex's final year at high school and that is a little scary for me.  I've only ever known her in school and her graduating year is a HUGE year.  It is not one that you can look at and say one day at a time because as a single parent many things change once your child turns 18 so you need to plan for these things.

Anyways, I just felt like I'd share these thoughts with you.  Overall I am feeling back on track with God and that gives me such comfort.

Bless you all.
Me